


IMMENSITY

by DeanandCas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Curtain Fic, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, M/M, Science Fiction, Slow Build Castiel/Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-08 06:41:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 38,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12249042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeanandCas/pseuds/DeanandCas
Summary: Dean is the owner of an interplanetary freighter on a long voyage to the Earth Colony 859-EC. One of his passengers is the handsome but distant agriculturist James Novak.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Imensidão](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1765702) by [DeanandCas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeanandCas/pseuds/DeanandCas). 



Darkness was almost complete. The only signs of light in the modest environment were the lights on the life support control panel, the thrusters, the navigation control and the stasis chambers. Not that anyone was, at the moment, able to see them. All other equipment was in pause mode, waiting for the moment when the interplanetary vehicle reached its destination. Or some anomaly occurred in its course. So far, two months, two weeks and five days after departure, everything remained in perfect balance, the six-month journey far from its end.

In the compartment beside the bridge, four hibernation chambers cast a faint glow on the metal floor. Arranged two by two, perpendicularly placed to the side walls of the room, the indicative occupancy lights were lit at the end of three of them. The only concession to comfort within the little ship had been the chambers chosen. They were the most modern, wide, with special mattresses that wouldn’t damage the bodies of those who occupied them, covered by dark domes with a small hatch at the top. Except for one, the first on the right, closer to the door, whose cover was entirely transparent. Its occupant was responsible for the vehicle and he couldn’t relax during the hibernation process if he was confined in a darkroom. It could scarcely be called a severe case of claustrophobia, since the little ship was like his home and his life had been spent on long trips like this. But he wasn’t comfortable and his brother, the engineer responsible for the maintenance of the vehicle, had provided a solution to the problem.

In addition to the yellow lights indicative of the sealing of the domes, panels on the side of the domes demonstrated the vital signs of the occupants. Everything in the most perfect normalcy would be what a person would read in them if there was someone there to do it.

Small compartments, embedded in the walls, stored the luggage of the occupants, which would be removed shortly before arrival at the destination.

At the beginning of the process of ending hibernation, the environmental conditions were modified gradually. The interior temperature of the chamber rose steadily, after having been maintained at around fifteen degrees Celsius during the duration of the trip. The luminosity was also increased gradually and automatically when the ship reached the place whose distance would be equivalent to three Earth days of the arrival.

Most people "woke up" after a period of a few hours. Some preferred to program some specific sound or music to help them wake up. As soon as they opened their eyes, they stretched, pressed a green button near the upper hatch to open the dome and free them from its artificial cocoon. Subsequent procedures were reported through the headphones they used. It was a delicate process and had to be carried out calmly, to avoid damaging the physical and mental integrity of the passengers.

For hibernation, most people chose light and loose clothing so that their body would be totally relaxed. But the occupant under the transparent dome was naked. He was responsible for the stasis of the others, the last to go through the process, having made sure that all the controls were fixed, the machines working in perfect order, they were in the correct course and the vital signs of the other occupants were stable. After this meticulous sequence, the man stripped off his overalls, folding them and depositing them in the nearest compartment, before checking his own controls one last time. He would, in theory, be the first to be awakened and would have time to dress and be decent when the others returned to activity. He always slept naked if he could choose, and on his own freighter he thought he should have that prerogative.

If one entered this room they would immediately be attracted to the man lying under the transparent dome. Tall, muscular, lay on the memory mattress, legs stretched out, one hand at the side of the body and the other facing upward, next to his face, which was slightly turned toward the door. His face was relaxed, his eyes closed and his lips parted. The skin was dotted with brown spots, on the cheekbones, the nose, and even on the closed eyelids. The beard, grown, was a reddish tint, unlike the hair, which was light brown. One of the fingers of the hand next to his face twitched slightly, as if the man dreamed. On his chest, above the left nipple, a black tattoo stood out in contrast to the pale skin: a pentagram surrounded by a corolla of sinuous rays. It was a familiar symbol and had been engraved there for the purpose of protecting the man from evil. His brother, in the distant colony from which he had left, had a similar tattoo, as well as the outer hull of the ship, next to its name.

If all went as planned, many months would pass before the occupants of the chambers would be awakened from this forced sleep. They would have long hair and beards. In the days that would precede the arrival at the destination they would have time for hygiene and take care of these details. The disorientation used to last about twenty-four hours, but it was a personal trait, usually at the time of landing almost all were in possession of all their faculties again.

The ship wasn’t provided with many other areas where someone could stay. A small area near the stasis chamber served as a bathroom. Water was precious, being frozen at the moment. When they needed it, there would be enough to drink and rehydrate the food, but the hygiene would be done in a sonic shower or with the damp towels that were stocked in good quantity.

Another area nearby was what one could not properly call a kitchen, since no one cooked there. Foods brought on board were frozen or dehydrated and only the addition of liquid and heating were sufficient to be ready for consumption. One shouldn’t, however, expect them to taste good. The meals were nutritionally balanced, but not tasty. This was the aspect that most displeased the owner, the man under the transparent dome.

Most of the available space was used as a deposit for the cargoes it transported between the colonies. This area was under the area of passenger transport and command room, stretching out a little at the back.

It was a relatively small vehicle, but it was in excellent condition, though it wasn’t one of the latest models. The owner had inherited it from his father and it was his pride. His younger brother haven’t want to continue the family tradition of interplanetary transport, but he was responsible for the maintenance of the Light Cargo Carrier, model CHWY, whose registration in the Colonial Fleet was Impala-KAZ 2Y5. The captain, however, affectionately called it "Baby." It was, in the final analysis, the only home he had ever known in life, the constant in his nomadic existence.

The current journey consisted of the transport of agricultural machinery to the Earth Colony 589-EC. Accompanying the equipment was the agronomist responsible for it and a new automation specialist for the colony.

The agronomist was a man of about thirty-five years old, lean, tall, with a penetrating expression. A pair of piercing blue eyes that denoted his sharp intelligence made his face memorable. His mouth rarely opened in smiles, the man being a reserved person. His field of study was agriculture in terraformed environments and any subject beyond this seemed to him to be boring. He had exchanged few words with his fellow travelers when he boarded, preferring to read technical texts until the time of hibernation.

The other occupant was a person diametrically opposed to the agronomist. The young man with a skinny constitution was warm and immediately had shown to be communicative and expansive. Excessively expansive to the liking of the ship's owner, but they hadn’t been in touch for a long time, the long, slim body wrapped only in sweatpants and a loose t-shirt inert under his black dome.

The two passengers occupied the two chambers opposite the captain, the agronomist also closer to the door.

Inside the freighter everything was in the most perfect order, the journey proceeding exactly as planned.

In the immensity of space, the little ship went inexorably to its destination, which in contrast to the intention of its three occupants wouldn’t be, in the end, the distant Earth Colony 589-EC.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean got up from the folding chair. Something had caught his attention. He dropped the object in his hands on the deck. He began to walk with slow but determined steps. In the mist he had entered, he heard a distinct sound. It wasn’t the sound of birds that once enveloped him, while he was fishing by the lake on the terraformed moon where he had been born.

A familiar but very distant sound.

With each step he took, the clearer the sound became. It was a song, the guitar chords getting sharper and clearer. Percussion. He knew what was coming next... _‘Leaves are falling all around... it's time I be on my way...’_ the voice sang with its characteristic crispness. Robert Plant was talking about being on the way and the man seemed unable to find his own...

Slowly his conscience began to show him that he was coming out of the state of hibernation. It was the music he had chosen to be awakened. It was always the same song, this moment having already occurred many times in his life. On this occasion he was aboard Impala, on his way to... Some distant colony, he couldn’t remember at the moment, the thoughts still entangled in the interrupted dream.

His senses, though still blunted by the period of inactivity, began to awaken. His eyes remained closed, but his ears registered a metallic sound, followed by a hissing sound. What could it be?

Exit from stasis was always a unique experience. This time Captain Dean Winchester had been brought back to the sound of his favorite music, but had been followed by sounds other than the usual. That was weird. Then an unusual sensation began to make itself felt along his legs. As if someone touched him very lightly, running his fingers across his bare skin. _Impossible,_ he thought, _I am always the first to wake up, the dome is still closed..._

The sensation lingered in his abdomen. Slowly it fixed on his chest, in the middle of it and the heat coming from that apparent touch was both comforting and disturbing. He had never felt anything like this before during the process.

His eyelids, heavy, were reluctant to open. He stretched, stretching every muscle in his arms and torso. Immediately the sensation of heat was gone. _Good_. It was just a feeling. His eyes, unaccustomed to brightness, opened slowly, trying to focus on the soft light emitted by the lamps around the chamber.

In the gloom, a ghost seemed to form in his field of vision. Dean pressed his sand-filled eyes together with his fingers. He opened them again, and what he saw made him involuntarily pull away, panting.

Dean was on his mattress, as he should be. But the rest of the situation was completely off.

The transparent dome was open, but it wasn’t opened from inside. He didn’t press the button to do it, he was sure. And in front of him, very close, was the occupant of one of the other two chambers, the blue-eyed man.

Dean’s body wanted to react, but his muscles were still numb. His voice, hoarse from the lack of use, tried to articulate something, but the air was expelled from his lungs by the shock of the situation and what came out was a sound between a cough and a choke.

His heart seemed to want to come out of his mouth and he wondered how it was possible that the other man was already standing... How had he come out of stasis before him? This was contrary to all the previous programming.

He tried to calm down so he could do what was necessary. He had to go through the ordeal of the first few minutes of disorientation (still more disorienting this time), the limp sensation in his legs and arms, the dizziness that would pass gradually as the bed where he slept was gradually leaning on his feet, until that he was almost upright. Then he would put his feet on the floor, and leaning on the hibernation capsule, he would flex his muscles calmly, limb by limb until he could walk a few steps.

If the man - the agronomist, he recalled - was already standing and by his side he should have been conscious for some time.

He looked at him, sheepishly. He made no attempt to move or say anything.

Dean tried to speak, but his throat was dry.

The man’s eyes, however, didn’t leave Dean's face, seeming to express perplexity. The captain of the freighter felt a rush of animosity toward this person who had probably changed the plans he had made so carefully. Had he woken up for some unexpected reason and set off a sequence of events that couldn’t have been foreseen?

As the bed inclined slowly, the blood redistributing itself in his body, Dean felt his legs tingle. That was normal. He needed to focus on the usual, everyday things to think clearly. He moved his hands, opening and closing his fists. Robert Plant was still singing, louder now, but the song was a different one by then.

Suddenly he felt extremely exposed in front of the other man. He seemed to stare with curiosity, watching his every move. He wanted to say _‘Get out of here, stop staring at me, what's your problem, man?’_ but his mouth and throat didn’t cooperate.

 _Breathe_ , he thought, _breathe_. _Everything has a logical explanation_. With eyes closed, to escape the scrutinizing gaze of the other, he inhaled counting to seven, then held his breath for two heartbeats and released it counting to four.

As he repeated the breathing exercise, he felt the touch on his chest. It was what he had felt before! The agronomist - what was his name again? He had touched his chest! And before he had touched his the legs and his belly... What was that?

His eyes flew open instantly, and his hand gripped the man’s wrist. Dean’s pupils flashed in fury, his face contracted with rage.

But the other man was still impassive and now looked with interest at his own hand held by Dean's fingers, head tilting slightly as if confronted with something unknown.

"Dude!" He exclaimed, his voice rasping. "Get your hands off me!"

He dropped his hand and pushed the man away, with the limited strength he had at the time. The blue-eyed man looked surprised and stepped back. He swayed and fell, lying on the metal deck. He looked confused and had difficulty getting up.

Dean thought it was the state of natural disorientation that accompanied the process of getting out of hibernation. But that was too extreme...

Concentrating on his own progress, he stopped looking at the man for a few minutes, flexing his musculature according to the instructions he knew by heart, focusing on his breath as well.

When the bed was in the final position, inclined to sixty degrees to the floor, he put his feet out. He looked around and the dark-haired man was gone. Where had he gone? The chamber he had been in was also open. The one of the other passenger remained closed and dark.

He stood as he could, trying to take a step. He needed to know where the agronomist was. His legs didn’t cooperate, seeming to have the consistency of gelatin. Leaning against the walls and objects around him, he walked to the door, immediately directing his attention to the control room panels he could see. Everything was alight! All the indicators! How had they left the state of ‘pause’ without Dean’s interference? Had the other man done that? From where he was, he couldn’t see it, but the agronomist could be hiding behind the screen.

His anger over someone touching his "Baby" controls pushed him with renewed strength through the short corridor to the bridge. Reaching the door and leaning on it, panting, he finally saw the man. He was seated in one of the chairs, and in front of him the glass surface presented, at an astounding speed, all the information contained in the ship's databases. Everything from the cargo manifest, shipping information, ship specifications, passenger information, the library... Dean stood there watching for several minutes while the agronomist saw it all pass unbelievably fast in front of his retinas. His eyes didn’t even blink, as if mesmerized by the ceaseless brightness of the lights and colors.

The captain stood there for a few minutes, motionless, stunned, staring at the unprecedented scene, holding tight to the metal of his ship, which must have been comforting, but now seemed inhospitable to him.

As the screen darkened, the man turned, his movements faltering, until his mouth opened and he could hear, in a deep voice:

"Hello... Dean."


	3. Chapter 3

Dean slipped from the door to the floor. His nakedness became very noticeable as he touched the metal floor with his body.

James Novak, the agronomist assigned to the Earth Colony 895-EC, stood unstably and came to help him up, but he received an angry look from the fallen captain.

"What are you doing to my ship?" He asked hoarsely.

James straightened up and gave him a puzzled look, but said nothing.

"Dude, what's your problem? How did you wake up before me? "Dean said, struggling to get up and lean back on his still shaky legs. James stood motionless before him as if he didn’t know what to do or say. It could be taken as a normal post-hibernation mess, but Dean had never seen anything so radical.

Leaning on the panels, he walked up to the basic freighter controls. He checked life support initially. Everything was working well. Engines. Navigation... His eyebrows jerked upward as his mouth opened in a soundless surprise. They were totally off the established route!

He struck his fingers in a useless gesture on the metal panel. Nothing changed. They were heading toward the unknown, completely out of the mapped area. Dean ran his hand over his face, sweating. That was not possible!

"What did you do with the controls, Novak? Where are we going? " He asked, even though it was almost impossible that it happened at that moment. It was something that had happened a long time ago... at least a couple of weeks, he roughly estimated. And his estimate was based on dubious facts to begin with. The agronomist couldn’t have been awake for so long ... He got up and walked with difficulty to the kitchen, to verify the water supply. The contents were untouched. The water was still intact, only one part automatically defrosted for occupants to use outside of hibernation, enough for two people. And Novak hadn’t eaten any meal. The ship's controls were working perfectly in this respect.

Dean paused, took a deep breath, trying to think clearly. His throat burned with thirst and the effort to speak. He picked up a glass and drank a few sips from the freshly thawed water. The taste was awful, as always. This fact helped him stabilize, and he turned to find Novak standing in the doorway, looking at him curiously.

Dean didn’t understand what had happened so the blue-eyed man had come out of stasis before him. Some trouble in the chambers, no doubt. It was not logical to blame him when he was just an ordinary passenger who had been on the ship for a short time before being put to sleep, and who had never been on the bridge before that. He turned back to the counter and, taking a glass and filling it, offered it to the agronomist:

"You must be thirsty." James Novak approached cautiously, still startled, apparently, by the captain's emotional reaction moments before. He took the glass and drank its contents eagerly.

His face twisted in a frustrated attempt to smile as he returned the glass. Dean stared at him, not knowing what to do. He had so much in his head that it was hard to concentrate on an immediate plan of action.

Dean noticed the other man staring at him. He was staring at his naked body. Novak wore boxers and a white t-shirt. Dean's nudity seemed to be bothering him. Well, it was really unusual to go into stasis like that, but Dean could never have imagined the situation it was unfolding at the moment.

"Come on, Novak, let's get dressed before anything else ..." and he walked slowly back to the hibernation chamber.

The man followed him, with even more difficulty than Dean. Personal differences interfered with the process of returning to consciousness. The physical part of Novak must have been influenced by the psychological aspect, he thought, because he looked really confused and had said nothing more than that hoarse salute a few minutes ago. Dean turned and watched as the dark-haired man leaned against the walls to follow him.

The captain had noticed that the passenger had a toned body, he looked like an athlete. He must have been a runner. The thighs were muscular, the torso lean but defined, a body where there were no excesses, unlike his own, which although strong and relatively in shape exhibited a small adipose deposit in the abdominal area. A belly that he hated, but he knew it was the result of his unwavering appreciation for good food.

The Impala captain went to his personal storage area and opened the compartment where he had left his overalls and boots. He put his boxers on first, a worn-out Led Zepellin T-shirt, a gift from Sam, before realizing Novak was still at the door watching him, motionless.

"Is there a problem?" He asked and received a quick nod, which confirmed that he was out of his rational state.

Dean walked to the bulkhead across the room and touched the wall beside the chamber where James Novak had been hibernating. A camouflaged compartment opened on the wall, displaying its contents. Dean turned to Novak, pointing to the clothes that were out of the suitcase.

"T-thank you" was the response he received in that deep voice.

While Novak got dressed, Dean tied his boots. He glanced furtively at the slow process of Novak dressing. He put on black trousers, with large side pockets, and a white Henley, buttoned on the collar. The buttons seemed to cause some difficulty, but were eventually done. A pair of well-worn black boots were waiting their turn. But Novak stared at them, desolate, as if they were beyond his immediate comprehension.

Dean noticed his difficulty and, impatiently, approached the closet, handed him the pair of socks that was folded next to the boots. He received a grateful, profound look from the agronomist. A look in which Dean could get lost, if he had time. But no, concentration was required in the current situation and his physical attraction to the man in front of him was something to be ignored at the time.

At the same time as Novak put on his socks, Dean loosened his shoe laces so that the agronomist's feet could slip into them more easily. As soon as he saw that he had finished, he stepped forward to help him with the boots. Novak made no move, letting Dean take his feet and put them in his shoes, tying them up. At the end, Dean stood up leaning against the bed where the other was leaning.

"There," he said, his eyes inexorably drawn into the orbits where blue predominated. He cleared his throat and looked beyond the chamber to find the capsule where the other passenger was.

He moved there to check out the vital signs of Garth Fitzgerald IV, a name too pompous for the young  and humble gentleman he had met upon embarking on this voyage. Everything was in order. Dean still didn’t understand what had caused the error in the chamber programming. But there was more important things to think about first.

"Novak, let's eat something and then I need your help. We have some problems to solve. "

They walked slowly to the kitchen, where, with quick gestures, the captain prepared two liquid meals. He placed one of the mugs in Novak's hand as he began to sip the contents of his own. His features were displeased. Novak looked at his drink with curiosity, but soon imitated Dean and in one gulp ingested the contents of the mug.

"You were hungry, huh?" Dean commented, shaking his head, amused. He finished his meal as well and put the two mugs in the cleaning compartment.

He walked the bridge, accompanied by Novak. They sat down and Dean began to explain the situation to the other man:

"Novak, pay close attention, I'll explain this in a easy way so you can understand. For some reason I don’t understand yet, we're off our route. The most worrisome thing is that we are in unmapped space. I can try to determine the point where we stepped off the route by extrapolating our current position, taking into account the fuel consumption.

His answer was another long look, followed by a slight nod.

"So ... we can estimate our current position, but we won’t know for sure. Our current stock of supplies may not be enough for our return if we don’t re-enter the chambers, but I need to analize what happened to them before. Do you understand programming? "

He shook his head. Dean ran his hand over the back of his neck, thinking about the next steps. He was focused, but the altered state of his traveling companion bothered him. It was assumed that an expert in agriculture and machine connoisseur should be a little more active and decisive. His answer was slow, uncertain.

Dean decided to give him time.

"Novak, I think you need some more time to 'get real'. I think a little exercise would do you good. What if I were going for a walk on the treadmill I have downstairs?"

Another perplexing look. Dean didn’t wait for a reply and tapped his shoulder, moving forward in the direction of the hatch that led to the cargo area. Novak followed.

Dean descended the circular staircase that led to the lower level. In addition to the cargo area he was carrying, there was a small room that Dean converted into an exercise area. There was a treadmill and a ski simulator there. On trips where there was no need for hibernation, potential passengers and he used this space to minimize the loss of muscle mass. It was a simple room and he had hung any photos of the various places that the Impala had visited during their journeys on the walls.

Dean waited for the agronomist to start working on some of the devices, but he definitely needed to find his initiative, lost sometime during the trip. Dean demonstrated the use of the two devices, pointing to some of the pictures and talking about the places where he had been. He had an attentive listener in James Novak.

Tired of monologue, Dean left him on the treadmill and returned to the bridge. He would begin the calculations immediately to solve the problem.

Dean began by making a list of all the points that needed to be checked. Calculations to be made, analysis of the programming made by his friend Charlie, checking chamber controls, make estimates of oxygen, water and food consumption. Taking their initial position, he set about calculating his present one. The task was slow and required full concentration. The captain gave it at least two uninterrupted hours of his time. When he could no longer think clearly, he remembered the agronomist.

Dean found him where he had been left, in the makeshift gym, standing, fixing the colored image of Oberon, his birthplace, on the wall. He was motionless, as if meditating.

 The captain stood for a moment watching him and there was no movement, the man didn’t even seem to breathe. It was maddening for an action guy like Dean.

 "Hey, Novak!" He shouted, his face twitched with impatience.

 As if awakening from a trance, Novak turned abruptly, and what Dean saw on his face made him stumble back and lie on the cold floor of the ship. 


	4. Chapter 4

Instead of the eyes with the pupils of an admirable blue, James Novak's face had two beams of light, as if his skull were hollow and illuminated from within, the light projecting outward toward Dean. When his mouth opened, in a gesture of surprise, the same luminous effect repeated itself.

"What... don’t come closer!" Dean shouted, while the man he knew as the agronomist assigned to the Earth colony 859-EC was advancing toward him with his outstretched arm.

Dean crawled back, until he touched the wall. He tried to get up, but his panic-stricken body didn’t seem to obey.

James had stopped and stood staring at Dean. The light effect slowly faded, bringing back the human features.

Dean gasped and forced himself to ask,

"Who are you? What are you doing on my ship? "Thinking for a moment, he added," What did you do to Novak? "

The answer, which was uttered in the grave voice of the agronomist, surprised Dean.

"Forgive me, Dean, for scaring you. I do not know exactly how to explain the situation we are in. But I need you to believe me when I tell you that I meant you no harm. "

"Who are you? Answer me!" Dean roared, shaking.

"The story I am going to tell you is a little long. I hope to know how to convey all the facts in your language clearly. Your language is... complex and the use of the vocal chords to produce sound is not yet entirely dominated by me. I apologize if I am not objective enough or my pronunciation is wrong. "

Dean gave up, but settled himself against the wall. There seemed to be no immediate threat, but he would be alert. As he heard that unfamiliar being in human form speaking, his mind was frantically thinking of ways to imprison him there.

"As you have noticed, I am not human. Well, the body that I occupy at the moment is. You know him, he's the man who came on board for this trip. But I am... I think that would be what you would call an _alien_. I know that the human species has not yet found other species in the galaxy, not even having explored space so much. But the Universe is immense and many forms of life inhabit it. "

Dean stared at him without a word. He hoped ‘the alien’ would continue, not sure if he believed what he was hearing.

"I am a member of a very old race. We live in the vacuum of space and have no corporeal form, as you do. Our... being is made up of living energy and we move in space like... a fish moves in the water. We have known for a long time the existence of humans, but we never wanted contact. Most of us consider you... inferior, constrained by bodily limitations. A race of children, if I can describe it like this. There is no intention to offend you. "

Dean felt uncomfortable with the analogy, but he wasn’t going to express his thoughts yet. He needed to hear everything to see if he believed it or not in that fantastic story.

"Some time ago - I still have a little difficulty in thinking about time as you do, linearly - I have been approaching the space occupied by you, under the orders of my superiors, in the guise of... security check."

Dean couldn’t help himself,

"Pest control? Were you thinking of exterminating us? "

"No, Dean, that's not the reason. Think of us as... herders. We guide you, when necessary, for your own safety and that of the other species in this part of the galaxy. That is why there has not yet been contact with other civilizations - you are not yet considered... evolved enough. Well, at the moment this is no longer true, because we are in touch now, yours and my species, although other members of both are not yet aware."

Dean kept quiet and listended.

"I need to be more specific, I realize now. About... five lunar cycles from the nearest planet… I do not know how it would be converted to your time counting system, the concept is not clear to me… an asteroid was diverted from its route because it would collide with an inhabited planet in this area of the galaxy. This people already have the means to do it, but they aren't aware of the existence of your species. For them, the asteroid was diverted from its route, exploded into thousands of smaller pieces and their planet was saved. "

"What they could not imagine is that there was a small ship in the new trajectory of the remnants of the asteroid." Novak stopped talking for a moment, while Dean showed great uneasiness.

"Yes, Dean, you presume correctly. This was this ship that would be hit. "

Dean was breathing heavily.

"I was aware of the accident that would occur. I knew there would hardly be any survivors because of your fragile nature. We are not authorized to directly interfere with your existence. The accident would be more of a coincidence and your death would be nothing more than a common occurrence, even though it would cause me great regret.”

"However... I approached your transportation. I watched it for a while. I realized the state of unconsciousness of its passengers and against all the principles of my mission, after much internal debate I decided to interfere. But I could not avoid the collision. All I had left was to try to save the humans on board. "

Dean swallowed. All of them were in the hands of that creature of unknown nature.

"What did you do? What did you do to Novak? "

"First, I had to deal with the structural damage on your ship. I have, under my usual conditions, the ability to manipulate matter and energy. If you follow my gaze, you will see the damage caused by the collision. "

Novak, or whatever occupying that body at the moment moved his eyes to the cargo area, and Dean's gaze followed. On one side a fairly large surface was illuminated by a bluish outline, like an immense stain on the wall, which seemed to extend to the upper deck.

"This was the damage that the asteroid fragment inflicted on your ship, Dean. This whole area was torn apart by the collision. "

Dean finally got to his feet and walked over, his arm outstretched. Touching the surface, he withdrew his hand. The metal - if it was really metal - vibrated at a high frequency, and unlike the rest of the ship, it seemed to emit subtle heat.

He turned toward the other being with a question mark in his eyes.

"I replaced the metal with part of my own energy, transmuted into matter. Is that what you could call a patch? "

Captain Winchester trembled again as he thought of the damage to his precious ‘Baby’.

"The engines?" He asked.

"In my energetic form I penetrated your ship and accessed the onboard computer. That's how I was able to make sure the engines kept running, keeping the vehicle moving. That's how I learned your language, even if I did not have a speech apparatus to express myself vocally. "

"But then what I feared most happened. One of the passengers had suffered with the impact. For an indeterminate period, his hibernation capsule had been cut off from the normal oxygen supply. James Novak was near death, and I did not know what to do. I searched the ship's databases for the functioning of the human body and tried to act, I wanted to repair the man's body as I fixed the ship. But I could not do it."

"I entered the chamber and tried all the logical alternatives. There was no answer, the man seemed doomed to perish. But there was still an alternative, even if it was very radical - and the results of it, permanent. "

Dean's eyes were fixed on the figure in front of him, in suspense.

"I needed to try and cure Novak... by acting from inside his body."

"As? Inside... you mean... _like he's possessed_? "

"It could be described as something like that. But I made sure to communicate my intention directly to his mind before doing so. If there was no acquiescence on his part, I would not have done it. "

"Are you trying to tell me that he agreed that you took his body?"

"Not  'take', properly. We would share his body, as two distinct entities, though occupying the same space. "

"And where is he? Is he alive? Can I talk to him?" Dean asked.

"Under normal conditions - if there is such a thing for this unprecedented situation - yes. At the moment, it is not possible."

"Why the hell is not it possible?"

"He is very weak, let's say he is still in a hibernation-like process. He needs some more time to recover. As soon as possible, I am sure he will want to communicate directly with you. He is a very responsible man and he is concerned about his mission. "

"And when he's well again, what happens? Do you leave with a 'thank you'? "Dean grunted suspiciously.

"I'm afraid that will not be what will happen... Our agreement is something of a permanent nature."

"What do you mean permanent?"

"Since I began to inhabit this body, I can no longer leave it indefinitely. To cure James Novak, I gave up my freedom."


	5. Chapter 5

Dean took a deep breath. It was a fantastic story. It looked like something out of an old science fiction novel.

"Let's just say I believe what you told me... What will we do from now on?"

"My possibilities of helping you are somewhat compromised. I fear that the attempt to cure Novak has weakened me greatly, as well as the fact that I have donated part of my energy to repair the ship. At the moment, I am trying to adjust to the constraints of this physical body and to deal with the information contained in this brain and all the others I have acquired by contacting your ship's computer. Although many of the facts are inaccurate or totally erroneous, I have to admit that in several areas of knowledge I feel completely ignorant. I need some time for thinking about helping you effectively overcome the problems with your journey. "

"You refer to the man who you are... 'occupying', if I may put it like that, you call him ‘Novak’. Do _you_ have a name? "

"My name was never pronounced by any human, but I think if it were, it would be something like... Castiel."

"Castiel?"

"Yes, our personal denominations are more expressed in the form of images and so I think Castiel is as good a name as any, unless you prefer to use another word."

"It's a strange name... I think I'd rather call you Cas, if I may."

"Cas. It is simple. I like that. You can call me that. "

"Well, back to our problem. There's nothing you can do to help me out at the moment? "

Cas shook his head. His eyes never left Dean's, as if they were studying them.

"Then I must go back to work. I've figured out a few things, but the programming is harder than I thought. " He said, and added in a lower voice "I wish Charlie was here. "

"Charlie?"

"A friend. A programmer. Everything on this ship has been programmed by her and however I tried to understand it, most of what she does is beyond my limited understanding. I'll have to try, though, if we want to get out of this. By the way..."

"Yes?"

"Um... what happens to you if... Novak... dies?"

"I will have to leave this body, but I will no longer be able to return to my natural habitat. It would be like... an incomplete being. I will cease to exist. "

"Will you die if you leave Novak's body? Why did you do such a thing to begin with? You did not have to do this... You just had to... let everything happen as it should. "

"I know. But at that moment, under the circumstances... it did not seem right to let him... die. "

"You have acted against your orders. Against your own nature. I can’t understand why. "

"Maybe someday I will try to explain. Maybe someday you will understand. But not today. Someday."

Dean held that glance for a few more moments, before turning him to the spot on Castiel's back where Oberon's holographic image was. His mind immediately traveled to his birthplace where his brother was. Dean feared he could never see him again. He closed his eyes and sighed. Opening them, Cas was turned away and stared at the same spot on the wall.

"What is there?" He asked.

"In Oberon? It is the satellite of the planet Uranus, in the solar system from which I come. I was born there that and my brother still lives in Oberon... Do you know what ‘brother’ is? "

"James Novak had several brothers. I can consider the others of my kind my brothers. I understand the concept. "

"My brother is the only remnant of my family. I don’t think I'll ever see him again. "

"Family. I understand."

"Do you understand? Can you understand the affective aspect involved in the concept or just the biological aspect? "

"Novak... his brothers... there was something difficult to define in words uniting them. They no longer exist, but what united them still persists. He suffers still, even if they are gone. Is that what you are talking about? "

"Yes. Humans are complex when it comes to feelings. I'm not very good at talking about it, but I believe that what was between them... was love. And now, homesickness. Maybe... repentance. Or guilt. But that's me speaking, I don’t know his story. By the way, how do you know so much about Novak's life? "

"He opened his mind to me. I accessed his memories and thoughts the same way I accessed the ship's computer, even though the latter is much simpler to understand. "

Dean lowered his head and sighed. _Welcome to the human race_ , he thought.

Castiel stood impassive in front of him.

Dean, though impressed by everything he had heard, had to act. Even if he needed time to think and digest everything Castiel had told him, he felt the urge to get up and work. He needed to try to find a way out of this situation.

"I'm going upstairs. I need to do some more calculations. Will you stay here?"

"Can I accompany you?"

"If you want. I'll get something to eat and rest. " Castiel followed him silently up the stairs.


	6. Chapter 6

They went into the kitchen and Dean began to open the compartments and take out several packages. They were reconstitutable meals to which they would have to add water. He chose those that seemed less despicable to him. He set them in the microwave and programmed it.

He leaned against the counter and watched Castiel standing in the doorway, as if he was waiting for instructions.

"You can sit down if you want" and Dean pointed to one of the sidewalks.

Castiel sat in silence. Dean looked at him, as if searching for answers to many questions. Finally he said:

"You... need to eat, drink water, go to... these things?"

"In my original form, no. But since I've been here, yes, to keep the body functioning. I know the biological needs of this organism, even though it has only experienced breathing, sweating, need for food and water. I have yet to experience excretion, sleep and sexual needs. "

Dean gasped at the last words.

"What?"

"I am privy to the full range of human needs, Dean. Is something wrong with what I said? "

"No... I just did not expect you to talk about everything so... naturally."

"They are biological processes. Are there other factors involved that I amnot aware of? "

"Well... how can I explain it to you? Ah... "He stopped talking for a moment, thinking of the best way to explain it to an alien. Maybe if he used a metaphor... "You see, we need to feed in order to live, right? Anything nutritionally adequate would be enough, but we prefer good tasting foods. Sometimes there are also affective memories attached to food... "

Cas kept looking at him, trying to understand.

"Let me try to explain better... For example: pie. You know what pie is? "

"There are pies in Novak's memories. Yes, I know what it is. "

"So, pie. It's not always nutritionally balanced or particularly healthy food. But it is tasty. Many people like pie, some more, some less. Others don’t like it. I personally like it a lot. I like its taste, its texture. If it's an apple pie…" Castiel seemed to be trying to remember what was 'apple',"I like it even more. But it's not just the taste. My mother made the best apple pie I ever had. Maybe there are better ones, but for me nothing beats those made by her. Do you understand why? "

"I am not sure..."

"It's because my mother loved me. She made pie for me because she knew I liked it. There are more in apple pie for me than just the ingredients involved. It's something that transports me to a better place in my mind. It is something that... represents a feeling, a bond with a person that no longer exists. "

"Um... I see. Like the feeling that binds Novak to his brothers. "

"Yes, perhaps you will find 'the pie' that united them too, something that would be representative of their... affection."

"The human mind is much more complex than I imagined," declared Castiel. Then he continued:

"If I understand correctly, biological needs are intertwined with affective aspects. So I can suppose that excretion, sleep, sexual activity are as well? "

"Well, about excretion, I don’t know" he said with a laugh. He cleared his throat. "But sexual activity often encompasses much more than physical, though... not always."

"I am confused. Let me reflect for a moment. I will need to access Novak's memories to substantiate my conclusions. "

Castiel closed his eyes and froze. It seemed to be accessing files on a computer. Soon he opened his eyes. But he didn’t speak at first.

Dean waited. Then, impatiently, he asked,

"And?"

"Yes... there is sexual activity in Novak's memories. There are some more... that seem more significant than others. But the reason is not always the same... and this is disconcerting. They are usually memories associated with pleasure. But the cause of pleasure is not always the same... I am not sure I understand. "

"Don’t worry," Dean said, laughing. "Most of the time even ourselves don’t understand it. It is part of our nature. What I meant was... maybe sexual activity while we're on this ship... is something that... won’t happen. Or it will happen... in a… "he paused hesitantly. "More…individual way... do you understand?"

"I think so," answered Castiel. "If I would desire sexual activity, I should dedicate myself to it alone or contrary to the biological norm of this body and with your acquiescence."

Dean didn’t even gasp this time. He just froze, listening and not knowing how to respond.

"Dean?" Castiel asked.

"When you speak of... contrary to the biological norm of this body... what do you mean?"

"I see there are only male individuals on board. I know the procreative purpose of sexual activity, but in this case, there is only the possibility of sex between individuals of the same sex, which does not lead to procreation. But that, in Novak's mind, seems to be as natural as intercourse with a member of the opposite sex. "

Dean swallowed. So Novak...

"Novak..."

"Yes, there are memories of sexual activity with female and male individuals. He seems to make no distinction. Is that the norm in your kind? "

"Um... Not exactly... There's a... broad spectrum... about sex. Each individual is different. "

"I do not know if I understand..."

"Each has its own taste and needs. Like I said, there are those who like pie, others like cake and others don't like either... or both... Others don't even care if it's cake, pie or any other dessert, they accept any of them the same way . Um... did this information help? "

"And you... like pie," Cas said, and Dean didn’t know if he was serious or not.

"Yeah, I really like pie... Are we still talking about sex or are we back to food?" Dean wasn’t willing to share with this unknown being anything about himself that was not absolutely necessary. Though he had found the agronomist James Novak very attractive when he came aboard, he had done nothing then. He didn’t intend to demonstrate this to the hybrid being in front of him.

"Since we are talking about food, you will see that things are not so pleasant here. These reconstituted meals taste awful. Nothing like what they are in reality. "

"Do you have pie? I would like to try it, "said Castiel.

"No way! I refuse to smear the perfect memory of real apple pie taste with these inferior substitutes. If... "and he stopped talking. He thought for a moment and continued. " _When_... we reach our destination, I make a point of paying you a decent meal and then you'll see what an apple pie is."

"And now, what are we going eat?"

"Something that has the word lasagna written on the label. But don’t believe it. "

"I understand. I should not base my idea of ... lasagna on what we will ingest next. "

"You're smart, Cas."

"And there is... lasagna... to feed us for how long?" Castiel asked, his eyes peering.

Dean hesitated for a second. But he had to share the facts with Castiel/Novak if he was expected to help him out of this complicated situation.

"There's food for a few weeks, not any more. Oxygen too, if we keep ourselves in conscious activity. If we go back to hibernation chambers, there will be no problem with either of the two stocks, assuming we are within a reasonable distance from our destination or from another place where we can land."

"And... you still do not know if that is possible."

"I'm still calculating. Our trajectory may have diverted far more from course than I suppose. "

"I will help you with the calculations. I can tell exactly where the ship was when it was hit. We can estimate more accurately our current trajectory. "

Dean breathed a sigh of relief. He had not even felt he'd been holding his breath.

"We'll do it after dinner then." He turned to the microwave, whose panel showed 0:35. He waited until the machine beeped to remove the two packages with the meals. Picking up two forks, he placed the lasagna on the small table and pushed one toward Castiel.

"Wait a minute, it's too hot, you don’t want to get burned," Dean instructed, Castiel just stared at him for a moment before answering.

"Thank you, Dean." And penetrating blue eyes fixed on the captain's face.

"You're welcome," he said, embarrassed. "But you won’t be so grateful when you taste it," he said, plucking a piece with his fork and putting it in his mouth.


	7. Chapter 7

After the meal, Dean disposed of the empty cutlery and wrappings and turned to Castiel.

"What do you think?"

"I am making a comparison between Novak's memory of lasagna and what we have just eaten. Really, there seems to be a discrepancy. "

Dean laughed. "It's a nice way of putting the facts, Cas. Can you... access any of Novak's memories? "

"I believe so. Watching your reaction in our conversation, memories of sexual intimacy seem to be quite private to you. " Dean cleared his throat uncomfortably. "But I easily accessed them. He did not stop me from doing it. "

"So... is Novak aware now?"

"He is semiconscious. He needs time to recover. "

Something told Dean that this strange being could be keeping the human hostage. Or worst. He could have eliminated Novak and be presenting himself in this form with another goal, somewhat nebulous, in mind. Dean had to be cautious in the way he accepted the information he provided. But right now, that was all he could do. Being in this unmapped area of the galaxy was disturbing and he longed to have something or someone to share his anxiety with.

"Are you ready to assist me in the calculations now?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Then follow me." They walked to the neighboring compartment and sat in front of the computer screen that accessed the navigation information.

Dean opened the file where his route was marked with a red line. Leaving Oberon and going directly to the Earth colony 859-EC, located in a point of the same arm of the galaxy where was the solar system from which Dean came.

Castiel studied the map for a few minutes with the interested eyes of the agronomist James Novak.

"Your spatial notation is quite peculiar," he said, looking doubtful.

"What do you mean, peculiar?" Dean asked, appalled at the answer.

"We have a different perception of space and matter, being energy beings by nature. His observation is made through instruments and their notation, which both in terms of time and space is linear, which to me is strange. We live and perceive the environment around us in a different way. "

"What do you mean by that?"

"I'm afraid I cannot help you with your calculations. I cannot tell, using this... map, where the accident happened. "

"Is there any other way... to point out where it happened?"

"I fear that..." and he interrupted his speech.

"What?"

"I do not know if it would be possible under current conditions. I could try to convey the information directly to your brain... through a telepathic touch. Supposing you could process them, starting from your own point of view. "

"Telepathic... touch?" Dean felt his throat tighten, dry. He wasn’t willing to allow his mind to be invaded by this being who called himself Castiel.

"Yes, with a touch of my hand on your forehead, I believe this is the best way, I could try to convey the information to you."

Dean was silent, reflecting Castiel's words and their implications.

"But I do not know if it would be possible, since I'm already sharing Novak's consciousness. I think... there could be interference and the process would not be accurate. "

The captain visibly relaxed. He hadn’t liked the idea from the beginning.

"It looks like I'll have to do the calculations myself, then."

"Yes, it does," replied Castiel, with his expressionless expression.

"But that can wait until tomorrow. That is, even after resting a little, I still feel the effects of the hibernation. How about you?"

"From what I learn from Novak, I feel… it would be described as ‘tired’. What shall we do to rest?"

"We will sleep for a few hours, enough to relieve body and mind. You will soon be able to experience the biological need for sleep" he said, remembering the conversation they had had before. "But... before, I think..." And how he always wondered how he would say what he wanted. "Excretion? Do you feel like... something? "

"Um, now that you've asked, I've been feeling discomfort in this area." With the palm of his hand he made a circular movement over his abdomen. "And here too." His hand slid to his penis.

"Urinating… you need to pee! Why didn’t you ask me before? How didn’t Novak give you a hint?" And he started pulling Castiel toward the bathroom.

He pushed him into the open door and asked, embarrassed:

"You know what to do or..." he asked, pointing to the appropriate place to do what needed to be done. He hoped he wouldn’t have to show him how.

"Yes, now that I know what it is, I can do it myself. Will you stay here during the process?"

"No... of course not! Make yourself comfortable." And he left quickly closing the door behind him.

Dean sighed, wondering how he could live with this strange creature for the time it took to get somewhere. And what would happen next.

*****

Dean waited a few minutes and knocked on the door cautiously.

"Cas... all right in there?"

Castiel opened the door. He looked relieved.

Dean had to laugh. Castiel looked at him, perplexed.

"You need to brush your teeth too, oral hygiene is serious business. Wait a moment. I'll get your toothbrush, OK? Is it in your luggage? "

Castiel nodded and Dean hurried to the next room and approached the compartment he had opened a few hours ago. There was a handbag there, with the necessary items for a few days, the heavy luggage stored downstairs along with the cargo. He opened it and searched for the case where Novak kept his toiletries. It was a small purse, reddish-brown leather, much like his own. He took it in his hands and was already closing the bag when his eyes fell on a photo, which was sliding out of Novak’s datapad. It showed a younger Novak in a group of men, all hugging and smiling at the holocamera. There were three with light hair and another one with dark hair, like James. He looked like the youngest of them all, and Dean supposed they were the brothers Castiel had spoken of.

Dean felt an intruder looking at that photo. He had no right to do so, and Novak's soul was already quite exposed by the facts reported by the being who cohabited his body at the time. He closed the suitcase and returned to find Castiel looking in the mirror.

"This... facial hair. Novak had not had them like this when he boarded. "

"No, he was shaven when he came aboard. Me too. But I don’t mind staying like this until we land. What do you want to do about it? Do you want to shave? "

"Yes, I think so. I remember... or Novak remembers how to do it. Ah, the case. Thank you, Dean. I can do it. Brush my teeth too, do not worry. "

Dismissed like that without ceremony, Dean had only to leave. He went back to the room of the hibernation chambers and opened another compartment camouflaged on the wall, next to the door. He pulled out two pillows, packed in plastic and two small boxes containing metalized, thermal blankets. There were a good amount of these, being an item of easy storage and that was very useful in emergency situations.

He unpacked the pillows and placed one on each mattress, stretching the soft blankets as well.

That done, he began undressing until he was only wearing boxers and the shirt he wore underneath. Finishing, he turned to find Castiel standing in the doorway, watching him.

"I see there were no problems with the laser shaver," he said, taking his own case and heading for the door.

Castiel ran his hand over Novak's now beardless face, as if enjoying the sensation. When Dean stepped past him, he was shocked to feel the touch of the other being on his own face.

"Yes, it is different. I like Novak's face without the beard. I would like to see how you look like this as well."

Taking a deep breath Dean stepped away quickly. He could have learned a great deal about Novak, but the notion of personal space seemed beyond his comprehension. Dean closed the door and looked in the mirror. He never bothered shaving during his travels. But because of the comment he heard shortly before, he debated internally whether he should shave or not. He finally did it. He didn’t know why he cared to please Castiel. Maybe it was the brief interest he'd had before... _no_. He wasn’t that person at the moment. Besides, he'd been almost a recluse after coming aboard, sitting in the cargo compartment reading his technical reports for hours on end, interacting very little at the time of the two or three meals they'd shared with Garth at the beginning of the journey. Dean had thought he wasn’t interested in men, but now he knew that wasn’t true. However, it didn’t change at all that he hadn’t shown any interest in Dean.

After the hygiene procedures, he returned to the room where they would sleep. He found Castiel lying on the bed that belonged to Novak, covered in the metallic fabric, which molded the body beneath it perfectly. Dean needed to look away as he realized the other man seemed to be naked underneath. Looking at the open compartment, it turned out to be true, for all the agronomist's clothing was arranged in a well-organized pile.

Dean turned, embarrassed, and lay down as he was. Novak, or rather, Castiel was silent, seemed to be asleep.

"Sleep well, Dean" was the last thing you heard before falling asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Dean woke up startled. He had dreamed, as always, about the pier at Lawrence Lake in Oberon. What was a recurring, somewhat reassuring, relaxed, fishing dream had turned into something extremely different when James Novak sprouted from the placid surface of the water, naked, a simulacrum of Boticelli's Birth of Venus.

He had lost himself for a moment in the contemplation of the perfect, highly attractive body that rose from the foam. The next second Novak was in front of him, both standing on the worn boards of the pier. Their mouths were very close, Dean could almost feel the heat emanating from the other man, when his luminous beams appeared from his eyes as he had seen them the day before.

This sight had awakened him, and now he lay there in the half-light, his heart racing.

He lifted his torso, leaning on his elbows, and looked toward the bed on the opposite wall. The dome remained open, as was expected when the hibernation chamber was used simply as a bed. Novak lay on his back, asleep. It calmed Dean a little, but the realization that one leg and part of his torso were uncovered was enough to make him remember the dream in vivid detail. Dean thought of how he had found Novak handsome as he entered the hangar, the first time he had met Dean, when he had come to hire Dean for the colonists' subsidized voyage. He had behaved with extreme formality, and nothing in his gestures meant more than purely professional intentions. A few days later, when he was ready for boarding, followed by the automation expert, his attitude seemed even colder and distant in comparison to the warmth of his companion's behavior toward Dean. It's not as if they had any chance to get to know each other better in the short time that they would consciously share the spacecraft's space, but Dean could not help but fantasize. James Novak was his type, there was no denying it. Dean had stopped thinking about it because he thought James wouldn’t probably attracted to people of the same sex. But now he knew this was not true, and his body reacted naturally to the dream and to what he saw.

Uncomfortable, he moved in silence, trying to leave the room without waking Castiel. He hid the volume that had formed in his boxers. He went quickly to the bathroom, where he intended to deal with the situation as swiftly as possible.

Leaning against the closed door, he put her fingers under the elastic band of the underwear and lowered it to the middle of his thighs. His cock was fully erect by then. Dean stood there for a moment thinking about the strangeness of the situation, but this had no effect on his erection.

Taking a deep breath, he touched the tip where a drop of clear liquid had formed. Spreading it over the head, he began to caress himself. His breath quickened as he took the length in his palm and began to move it rhythmically up and down. In his mind he imagined the agronomist doing it, spurring him to climax with one hand, while the other stroked his leg in a slow, upward movement. Like the one he'd felt when he awoke, he remembered, after the hibernation. He thought his hand had touched his abdomen, and he put his free hand there, smoothing the skin and the rough hair on his groin. Then he made the palm of his hand move to the middle of his chest, where he knew Novak had held it for a while, as if trying to notice his heartbeat. Not Novak, he reminded himself: Castiel. Or both, he wasn’t sure.

He thought of those blue eyes that resembled the placidity of Lawrence Lake and the pale color of his lips. He imagined an avid tongue running through them, moistening the soft surface before a deep kiss.

His body was pierced by an involuntary spasm, and Dean found himself gasping for breath on wobbly legs in the Impala's small bathroom. And, he thought sadly, _alone_.

*****

He went back to bed as quietly as he had left. As he lay down, he saw that Castiel had turned completely in the opposite direction of the door, and that now his body was fully exposed, the blanket having slid completely out. Novak’s back was broad and tapering toward the hips, where a pair of pale and shapely buttocks were exposed to him. Dean closed his eyes tightly, wondering if he should get up again and cover the other passenger. The room temperature was not very pleasant, especially if the person slept naked, he knew, having done it so many times.

Sighing, he crawled out of bed and approached the bed where the person who had been the target of his fantasies a few minutes ago was asleep. Trying to dismiss those thoughts, he leaned over the body to reach for the blanket and pull it. He accidentally touched Novak’s shoulder, which made him suddenly move, awakening.

"Dean... what?" He asked, and Dean realized that he was immediately alert, his clear gaze on him.

"Easy, Cas... I was just... Your blanked slipped off. It's not very nice when you sleep... naked. "

"Ah, thank you. I realize now I was feeling cold. "

"Go back to sleep. I'm going to rest some more. "

The captain lay down and covered himself, fighting the urge to hide his head under the metallic blanket. His face burned and he was quiet, his eyes closed, listening to the regular sound of the other man's breathing. He was now dreading, as Dean remained fully awake, any possibility of going back to sleep completely extinguished by the sight he had just had.

*****

When his body began to complain after a few hours of tossing and turning on the mattress, Dean got up and dressed. Castiel was still sleeping, calmly. He was now facing the door, the blanket pulled up to his chin. Dean tried not to be sorry for that fact.

He prepared two protein shakes for their ‘morning’ meal. Although there was no day and night in deep space, Dean was still following the biological cycles of Oberon, whose days were about twenty-one hours long.

He sat down at the table and swallowed the thick drink in small sips. The grimace that followed was usual. It should taste like vanilla, but to him it felt like plaster had been mixed with flour and a little sugar.

In a few minutes he noticed the movement in the contiguous environment, however he remained seated. He didn’t need another moment of exposure to the dark-haired man's nakedness. He waited for him to dress and meet him in the kitchen.

"Good morning," he said, grinning slightly as the other showed at the door.

He was fully alert, Dean could see, but his head tilted to the side at the word 'morning'. His hair was totally messy and it did strange things to Dean.

"Sit down, here's your shake. It’s not very good, but it is healthy, at least. "

"Thank you," he said, sipping the contents of the glass slowly, without sketching any reaction.

Dean stared at Castiel's - or Novak's hair, he corrected himself - and thought about what it would be like to run his fingers through them, pulling his head toward himself for a kiss.

 _No!_ He ordered himself. _Stop it already, otherwise it will not be possible to do what is necessary_. He coughed, trying to hide the hoarseness he knew would be apparent in his voice.

"Castiel, I've been thinking. I have some notion of where we were when we suffered the impact of the meteorite. I'll confirm with the data of the ship and I think we can reprogram the course and return to an approximate location where we should be. We may still have some problems, but it's the best I can do under the circumstances.

"Umm." It was the response he received while the other swallowed the shake.

"I'll organize everything and check the stasis chambers. I believe the one Novak was occupying is damaged. Is it true?"

"Yes, its operation is faulty."

"Luckily there's still an empty chamber. Could you check if everything is okay? And take a look at Garth too? "

"Yes, I will do as you requested. Do you have any idea when we'll hibernate again? "

"I believe not before a period of fifteen to twenty hours. I have a lot to check. "And something happened to him suddenly. "Cas, you... can you undergo the stasis process?"

"I believe so. Yesterday, during the necessary sleep for Novak's body, I remained in a meditative state, but my consciousness was alert. I think the same thing will happen during stasis. "

Dean shuddered at the implications of what he was hearing. Now he was glad he'd left the room to... well, to ease the tension.

He got up quickly and left Castiel to finish his breakfast and went to the bridge to devote himself to the tasks he had.


	9. Chapter 9

The calculations and program changes were tedious and demanded his full attention. Dean engaged in these activities for a long time before he felt he needed to stop. His head throbbed and he needed to feed, even if the thought didn’t cheer him up.

He thought of Castiel. He had been there some time before, informing him that Garth was fine and that the extra hibernation chamber seemed to be in order for use. Dean had listened, nodded, but he hadn’t let his attention wander from what he was doing. He didn’t know what the other man had done in the nearly five hours he had spent on the bridge.

He stretched and called for him:

"Cas... Castiel!" No answer. He searched the upper deck and didn’t find him. He went downstairs and found him there. He was sitting on the floor, Novak's datapad in his hands. He seemed focused on reading.

"Hey, Cas! Would you like something to eat? "He asked from the penultimate step.

"Yes, it would be good. This sensation in my abdomen, a kind of nuisance... is a sign that I need to feed, is it not? "

"Here?" And pointed to the direction of his own stomach. "Yeah, that's hunger."

Cas got up and followed Dean up the stairs.

Arriving in the kitchen, Castiel found Dean rummaging through the closets. He looked frustrated.

"We're out of lasagna today, Cas. I asked my beloved brother to stock up on supplies and I see now that I shouldn’t have. There are piles of soup, vegetarian food... I think we're going to have to face one of these options, unfortunately. "

"Whatever you choose for me is fine, Dean, I trust your judgment."

"I'm sorry we don’t have many options. What does Novak like to eat? "

"Hmmm, let me see. A lot, it seems. Fruit, Italian food... But his favorite seems to be... burger and fries? "

"Novak knows best, then. One more reason to pay you a decent meal when we get there. " And Dean tried not to think of it as a date. "For now I think we'll have soup. Do you prefer vegetables, peas or lentils? "

"The one you choose."

"Lentil, then." He opened the vacuum-sealed packages, pouring the contents into two bowls. He added enough water and put them in the microwave for a few minutes.

They sat down to eat in silence. The taste, as expected, was not exactly the real one, but Dean was surprised how close it came to the original, the taste of cumin jutting out between the seasonings. He remembered a little his mother used to do. He thought of separating all the packets of this soup to consume when he wanted to eat something a little tastier.

Near the end of the meal, Castiel said:

"Dean... There's something I need to do. Novak is conscious, though weak and wants to talk to you. There seems to be some urgency. "

"Yes... If he wants to talk to me, it's okay."

Dean saw a clear process unfold in front of him. Castiel's posture changed gradually to take on the appearance of the way James behaved. His face, ever since Castiel had assumed control, expressionless, now assumed a tired expression.

"Dean... It's me... James." His voice rasped, low, his speech tinted by the unmistakable accent of the inhabitants of Oberon’s northern continent.

"Man, how are you? Where did Castiel go? "

"He is  in a state that... we could call meditation... even if it is not quite so. He's still here, but it's just me now giving the orders... "There were much more pauses in speech than before. He seemed to struggle to speak and breathe at the same time.

"How do you feel?"

"Weak. To tell you the truth... I think... I won’t get out of this. That's why it was imperative that... talked to you. "

"Don’t be pessimistic. Castiel seems to have high hopes you will survive. "

"He doesn’t know the extent of the damage, nor the human nature in depth... I know I won’t last long. But I know he sacrificed himself to try to save me and... I think my body will be an appropriate vessel for him... to live in after I'm gone. "

"You mean... you're going to die but you want him to... keep your body? How is that good for you? "

"We have been in touch for a while now. There are no barriers between us. I... want him to have my body. I know what he did and everything he gave up trying to save me. I shared... my whole life with him and... in return I knew, even in my limited perspective, the vastness that he knew up until now. The wonders he has witnessed... the places he has been... It is fascinating knowledge, yet his reaction to everything he has experienced... is very different from ours. He doesn’t know - or didn’t know until he merged with me - emotions as we know them... But he is a benevolent being and has good intentions, I am proof of this... but he doesn’t understand our way of thinking and feeling. I wish he could... learn more about humans and... our way of seeing the world... when he becomes the only inhabitant of this body... If I should call him something… he is a generous soul. I wish I could give him something in return for  his sacrifice... "

"I don’t know if I understand... Do you want him to live as a human after he dies?"

"Yes, Dean, I know it sounds strange... but it's what I want. I'd like to ask you to... " and he stopped, panting.

He continued after a few minutes, his voice a little more stable: "I'd like you to help him, at least at the beginning. He possesses all my technical knowledge and can continue my work if he so desires. He knows everything about me and can do whatever he thinks is appropriate with my body when I am no longer here. It's my way of... thanking him and trying to give him back some of his lost freedom. "

"Does he know that?" Dean asked, unsure.

"He knows, but he doesn’t believe I'll perish. But I know it will be so. As I said, there are no obstacles between us. You will be aware of this conversation and of what you decide to do about it. "

"Dude... if you want it that way and he... okay, I think I can try to help you. If you tell me there was no malice in his actions... I think I can do that. After all, he saved us all, it wasn’t only for you that he sacrificed himself. I think we owe it to him. "

"Thank you. I'm glad. He deserves our gratitude."

"Just... I'm thinking. Do you have family? Someone who... is going to notice your new... attitude? "

"I have nobody left. My life has been just work and now I see that it was the best. Thus, Castiel can constitute his own family, if he wants. "

Dean stared at the other man for a few seconds before asking,

"Is there anything else I need to know?"

"No, Dean... he knows everything. Whatever you need to know... ask him directly when... when I'm not here anymore. "

His eyes closed to open a moment later and Castiel was in charge again. For a moment his eyes flashed with a bluish light. He straightened his back and stared at the bowl with the remnants of the soup. When he looked up and met Dean's eyes his expression seemed a little different. He looked... sad, somehow. But he said nothing. They finished the meal in silence.

Dean cleared his throat and removed the bowls. He didn’t know what to say, how to approach the subject of this conversation with Novak. As he turned his back, he finally heard Castiel's voice:

"Thank you, Dean, for your cooperation." Dean turned around. The blue eyes were fixed on him again. "I hope everything goes the best way possible. For all of us. "

The Impala captain took a deep breath before replying, "I hope so too, Castiel.."

*****

They were both in the stasis room again. They were ready for the new hibernation. Castiel, following Dean's example, had decided that he would go through the process naked. Dean didn’t feel in a position to disagree.

The alien that shared the body with the human James Novak lay down in the newly opened chamber. His eyes didn’t leave Dean, who was busy manipulating the controls on the wall above the point where the dome met it.

With one last glance at Castiel, Dean smiled.

"Everything okay, Cas? May I start the process? "

Castiel nodded.

When Dean reached for the dome's closing, he felt a hand on his face.

"Sleep well, Dean. Until we meet again. " And Castiel closed his eyes.

Dean, a little out of breath at the unexpected touch, hesitated to press the green button on the wall. Before he could think of anything else, he leaned over and kissed Castiel lightly on his forehead, a gesture reminiscent of the time he cared for his brother so many years before, when he was a child.

“Sleep tight…" he said, as he had always said to Sam.

Blue eyes stared at him until the dome closed with a dry click.


	10. Chapter 10

The upper hatch of the hibernation chamber number three, on board the Impala-KAZ2Y5 interplanetary freighter emitted a small variation of luminosity. Gradually, the activity inside it increased. In a few minutes the dome was to be opened by its occupant, awakening from the state of stasis in which he had been for the last three months.

The dark dome began its slow climb exactly twelve minutes after the first signs of the end of hibernation. On the mattress, a body was slowly revealed, its muscles, which had hitherto been relaxed, tightening here and there, under the control of the mind of its occupant. When it opened completely, the person remained with his eyes closed, his arms folded over his head, in a long stretch. The headphones, which had been broadcasting the chords of Bach's Brandenburg Concertos for a few minutes, would soon begin broadcasting the procedures to be followed.

Captain Dean Winchester watched the proceedings standing by the chamber where the man who had once been called James Novak was, but who, at the time, was much more. Dressed in his olive jumpsuit, he couldn’t stop his eyes from sliding over the agronomist's perfect skin. He appreciated, not without some guilt, those features that aroused a deep interest. And if he were honest with himself, an affection of a,up the then, unknown nature. But these issues needed to be set aside in the face of what was going on in their lives at that moment.

Beside him, over his own hibernation bed two glasses were set. One contained water and the other the first meal to be served to the hybrid being coming back slowly.

The young captain's freckled face showed conflicting emotions. At the same time the wrinkles on his forehead spoke of concern, his eyes showed joy at the sight in front of him.

"Welcome back, Cas," he said quietly, and even with his eyes closed, the dark-haired man could say that those words were being emitted accompanied by a small smile.

"Hello, Dean," Castiel answered hoarsely, his voice deeper than usual. He opened his eyes lazily and soon his blue irises were fixed on the tall figure beside his bed.

"Water?" Dean asked. The answer was a nod and a raised hand toward it.

Dean was amused by how eagerly the water was swallowed. "Go slow. That'll make you sick" he said with a laugh.

"Where are we?" Castiel had to know if everything had worked out.

"Get up first, then we'll talk, okay?" The captain said, the wrinkle between his eyes deepening further.

The bed was already leaning toward the feet of the occupant, who moved his toes, bent his knees, opened and closed his fists. After the last sentence said by Dean, he avoided his gaze deliberately.

"How do you feel?" Dean asked.

"To be honest... I feel strange. The first time I saw myself in this situation I had no basis for comparison and now I see that... this is all a bit disconcerting. But nothing to be alarmed about. James is with me, though... still deeply asleep. "

"When you can, get dressed and come meet me on the bridge. I have something to show you. Oh, do not forget the shake... "And pointed to the other glass on his mattress.

"Yes, I'll do it. I need a few more minutes, though. "

"Don’t hurry, take the necessary time." He went out into the adjoining room.

Castiel looked around. Chamber number four remained closed. Dean shouldn’t have given instructions for his opening. There must be reasons for that.

When it was possible, he leaned on the floor, put on the robes that were separated for him, and walked uncertainly down the hall. He found Dean sitting in front of the navigation computer, but his eyes stared at the immensity that unfolded through the front window of the ship.

Castiel leaned against the back of the chair, his fingers brushing lightly against Dean's back, which turned slowly.

"I suppose... things did not go exactly as planned" Cas said, voice free of any kind of intonation.

"Cas... sit down." He did, taking up the seat next to Dean.

"My calculations were based on projections and inferences. I imagined that we would reach a point very close to our route and that we could send an emergency signal if we needed someone to help us complete the trip... "

Cas' eyes didn’t leave his face, which was now looking the hands clasped in his lap. He was waiting for the conclusion.

"But the truth is... I made a mistake. As soon as I woke up I ran here, I was sure that I would see a comforting image on the screen, but... "

And he looked up, meeting Cas' at last.

"We remain in unmapped territory. We've been traveling all these months in the wrong direction. There's no telling if we're close to our destination... We don’t have fuel or oxygen and much less food to survive for more than a few weeks... I... I'm so sorry, Cas. You gave up so much to save us and I... had to ruin everything. "

"Do not talk like that, Dean. I do not believe..."

"I was wrong, Cas, I wasn’t able to do what was expected of me. I'm a failure and now I'm going to cause us all to die. Your sacrifice was worthless! "

Castiel raised his hand to reach the defeated man's shoulder in front of him, but he, with an impatient gesture, rose and left, moving toward the lower deck. Castiel took a deep breath and stared out into the space.

*****

Castiel sat in the same position in the bridge for a long time. Anyone who would see him, motionless, his breath almost imperceptible, would think he was asleep. In fact, he was in touch with the mind of the other occupant of that body, its original owner. The communion of the two was profound and the debates intense. When Castiel opened his eyes, he knew what to do.

*****

Castiel's light footsteps echoed through the cargo bay. He descended the stairs and sought the captain.

He found him curled up behind a large container leaning against the far wall of the room. Castiel stepped closer, fearing an abrupt reaction from Dean.

Castiel sat down behind Dean, leaning against the wall.

"Dean..." he called quietly. There was no response.

"Dean..." He repeated the call. Nothing. He raised his hand and touched the shoulder of the man who avoided his gaze.

An abrupt gesture brushed his hand away. Dean got up quickly and went upstairs.

Castiel breathed calmly, as if revising a well-calculated plan. He got up and followed him.

He found Dean in the kitchen, sitting at the table, his arms crossed on the tabletop, hiding his head between them.

Castiel sat down on the other bench before him. This time he didn’t utter a word. He counted on Dean's impatience to react.

He didn’t have to wait long. In a few minutes the captain raised his head and gave him a resentful look. Castiel found insecurity, anger, fear, contempt for himself in those eyes. He looked for more and when he finally found what he was looking for, he said:

"Dean, I'm sorry you believe that responsibility for what happens falls solely on your shoulders..."

The interlocutor opened his mouth to reply, but was silenced by an imperiously rising hand.

"If I had not exceeded my powers and interfered in the situation the moment I did, the result would be different. I feel I have prolonged your suffering, when the end of your existence would have arrived without pain, would be a simple slide into oblivion... Or the accident could have been just a possibility that never materialized. But..."

Dean looked at him, mesmerized by Castiel's assertive attitude.

"But I could not... I have to make you a confession, Dean. A very serious confession. I'm afraid you  will not be able to forgive me. "

He was silent for a moment before continuing:

"When I realized that the debris of the meteor would reach your ship, at first I assumed the posture that was expected of me. The posture of an impartial observer. However, as I approached the Impala I was seized with intense curiosity. I could not restrain the impulse to penetrate the ship and know its peculiarities. In fractions of a second I accessed the information through the central computer, learning its destination, who occupied it. I moved through the panels and internal spaces observing every detail. I was surprised by the ingenuity of your species, despite your obvious underdevelopment - I'm sorry, Dean, but that's how I perceived things then - and continued studying the environment. To the end of my exploration I entered the area of the ship where I perceived the presence of life. As I entered the room, I was struck violently by... By something I had never had contacted before. The impact was so profound that it left me completely helpless. My senior functions were suspended and I do not know how much time has passed. "

Dean shook his head, trying to figure out what might have hit the alien so strongly, even in his energetic state, which he knew to be of a highly evolved nature. There was nothing on that ship capable of such a feat...

"Do you realize, Dean, that the responsibility is not yours?"

But no, Dean didn’t understand.

"Remember I told you that I was not able to avoid the impact of the meteor. I was not entirely honest with you then. What I found there, in that very insignificant environment, in my mind, had exerted such power over me that it prevented me from acting in time. When I became aware of everything about this vessel, it was my intention to pulverize the debris before it hit it, but... the moment passed while I was inert, at the mercy of a force far superior to mine. Desperate by the result of my actions, I tried to save what was possible. Matter was simple to repair, but... the immaterial was beyond my means. "

 Dean kept looking at him, trying to understand, but he couldn’t stop Castiel's monologue with his questions.

"I then abandoned my nature as I had known it until then, in a desperate attempt to save one of the precious lives on board. I could not have foreseen, then, that the extent of the damage was far greater than I had imagined. Everything that happened afterward is the result of my unthinking actions, Dean. You should not feel responsible. I am to blame for being in this situation with no way out. "

Dean was confused. He couldn’t understand. He had to ask.

"Cas, I don’t understand. There is nothing on this ship that can stand up to you. There never was. I don’t understand what struck you when you entered the chamber... "

Castiel stared at him and the look Dean received was permeated with pain.

"When I entered that room... I came across you. You caught my attention immediately. But make no mistake, it was not the sight of your body that captured my mind. You have superior magnetism, Dean. Your presence radiates a light so bright that I could do nothing more than to approach and bathe in it... I touched your mind, then, seeking the source of that enormous power. And what I found made me totally at your mercy. "

Dean couldn’t find the words to answer. He gasped, shaking his head in denial.

"Yes, Dean. I found you. Light is born at the core of your being and is born of your deepest nature. You are a detached man, generous, beautiful in essence. I have never encountered anything like it in my long existence. "

"No, no, that's not true," he sobbed. "Why are you lying to me, Cas?"

"Let me show you." He put two fingers of his right hand to Dean's forehead.


	11. Chapter 11

_Blue, living and vibrant entity. Pure energy in the immensity of space._

_The sound of galaxies, eternal movement, perfectly traced path_

_Blue_

_Blue_

_Infinite_

_Space_

_Purpose_

_Force_

_Energy_

_Freedom_

_Good_

_Acceptance_

_Existence_

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_Disturbance_

_Insignificant disturbance_

_Infinitesimal disorder._

_Attention_

_Curiosity_

_Compulsion_

_Knowledge_

_Knowledge._

_KNOWLEDGE!_

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_Light_

_Light_

_Light light_

_Light light Light light_

_LightLittleLightLightLight_

_LIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTLIGHTHTLIGHT!_

 


	12. Chapter 12

Dean came back to himself. He was dizzy and almost slid from the stool to the floor. Castiel held him, his hands tight around his shoulders.

"Cas..." he murmured "What..."

"Easy, Dean, take a deep breath. Do you need to lie down for a bit? "

"No, no... just... I need a minute." Dean gasped. "It's too much... to process."

"James also told me that it was difficult to assimilate some things. I realize that our ways of interacting with what surrounds us are very diverse. But I think I have a slightly different perception now. "

"What do you mean?"

"Oh... I see, hear, feel through James' body... I thought it would be... restrictive, somehow. But what I think now is... it is just another way, more basic, maybe, but... very interesting. Rich. And very powerful at times."

"Powerful? How?"

"Um... Well..." he paused for a moment, as if reflecting. "When I..." he began, looking unsure, his eyes drifting away. "Ahem... When I..." He stopped again. He looked at Dean, who was waiting, curious. "... I heard a Brandenburg Concert, for example. Music would not strike me in the same way in my original form, but when I hear it now... it is much more than just a vibration. Music... has _soul_... it represents feelings and sensations that I can relate to... now that I have James' memories to base my conclusions. "

"James likes this song, he chose it to wake up... You like it... because he likes it? Did you assimilate... all... his likes and interests? "

"No. There are things I know he does not like and I... I appreciate. I also have my opinions..." He looked at the captain and Dean, for a moment wondered if he was actually playing with him. "For example... that song you chose to wake up. James hates it, but I like it. The singer has a peculiar way of singing. "

"Dude, does James hate Zeppelin? I should have suspected! "

Castiel, contrary to what Dean expected, gave a small smile.

"He resents your statement, you should know."

"Sorry, sorry! I thought he was sleeping... "

"Certain things reach him anyway."

Dean looked at him again, trying to understand the kind of symbiosis between them. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like. He remembered what he had experienced briefly during the touch of Castiel's mind.

"Cas, I... I need to ask you something." But he didn’t seem to know how to articulate the question.

"Yes, Dean, ask what you wish."

"Were you really... um..." _how would he say that without sounding pretentious?_

Cas kept looking at him expectantly.

"Was...  I... really... the reason for your distraction?"

"Yes, was it not clear?"

"I’m not really sure... but then... I need to... apologize. I started this... whole mess." His eternal tendency to feel responsible for everything made him see things that way.

Castiel crouched down in front of him and took his face in his hands:

"No, Dean, do not think so. I have to... thank you." And his lips met Dean's, lightly, in a soft, chaste kiss. "People often thank each other like this, do not they?"

Dean cleared his throat and said as the other moved away, "Sometimes... it depends..."

"It depends? On what? "

"Ask James," he said, getting up and leaving quickly. "I have... um… I have to go to the bathroom... Excuse me."

Castiel continued crouched in the same place, frowning. After a few moments his face relaxed and a big smile appeared on his lips.

*****

Dean entered the bathroom and splashed water on his face. It was burning. He touched his lips with trembling fingers.

To say that he was confused was to minimize the situation. He had never felt like that before. His attraction to James was something he'd tried to forget since he'd learned that Castiel was sharing his conscience. But now that he knew how Castiel had been affected by him... by his ‘light’... that was... something far beyond what he dared to believe.

At the moment, there were two different entities within that body. Dean didn’t know how to relate to the fact. He was attracted to Novak's body... but... also by Castiel's personality.

His head was about to explode. This day had brought with him a range of emotions with which he had difficulty coping. Expectation of the positive result, disappointment... Fear. Sadness. Joy at meeting Novak... no, Castiel... both? He no longer knew. Surprise... Doubt. And what else? He dared not put into words the other emotions that the mental contact had aroused in him.

He needed some time alone. He needed to think. But how if the two were confined in that small space?

He opened the door cautiously. He went out into the hall. Castiel was no longer in the kitchen. Dean found him sitting on his bed with Novak's datapad in his hands. He was reading, clearly entertained.

"Cas, I... I need a little exercise. I'll stay downstairs a bit, okay? "

"Right. I'm staying here, reading. James has a very interesting collection of poems. "

"Poems, huh?" Alright, Castiel liked poetry... He wasn’t going to think about it now. He needed to focus on finding some way to deal with the situation of the ship , the rest of the trip... And to understand what he felt.


	13. Chapter 13

Dean went upstairs, drenched with sweat. He had run on the treadmill for as long as he could, and then he tried the ski simulator for a few minutes. He was exhausted. His calves seemed to snap as he struggled up the steps.

Arriving to the upper floor, he wiped his forehead on the jumpsuit he had on his hands, having stripped it in the first few minutes of running. His under shirt clung to his torso.

Castiel was at the kitchen door and welcomed him with a smile. Dean thought he was more expressive. Was he?

"I made dinner. I picked the lentil soup again, since you seemed to like it. "

"Thanks, Cas... I need to go to take a shower before."

"Shower? Does the ship have a shower? "Castiel asked.

"Not really. There is a sonic shower. I wish I had a real shower... or a bathtub... "

"You have to show me how it works. I do not think James ever used a sonic shower. "

Dean looked at Cas. He was sure this was not Novak's first interstellar trip. How could he not know what a sonic shower was?

"Fine, Cas, anytime you want... just tell me. Let me go before dinner gets cold. "

He went into the bathroom and undressed quickly. The clothes went to the specific compartment. He entered the cylinder where the shower was and closed it around him, sliding the door. He pressed the key that started the procedure. Sonic waves enveloped him, eliminating all the dirt using high-frequency vibration. Dean would give anything for a real shower. He imagined himself lying in a large bathtub, warm, relaxing water involving him, the soft scent of soap... Perhaps the company of someone, since he was the one imagining that scene. Hmmm, maybe... He tried to think of one of his ‘acquaintances’ - there were many, though relationships had never gone very far - and though he wanted to think of Jo or Cassie, his mind would always lead him back to Novak rising from the lake as a Greek god... Damn dream!

He quickly turned off the shower, before his body decided to take over. After all, Castiel was waiting for dinner.

He picked up a damp towel just to rub it over his face. He needed to shave. Castiel seemed to like his face that way... _When did what Castiel thinks start to be my behavioral parameter?_ He thought angrily. And suddenly he remembered that Castiel must have shaved while he was down there because he was...

Dean ran a hand over his face. He inhaled a few times and opened the door to leave, only to realize that he was naked and hadn’t brought clothes to change. Too late now to regret it. Castiel had seen him naked before. And that thought made him shiver. He inhaled deeply and headed down the hall. Luckily there was no one there but Garth, who was still in hibernation. He grabbed a pair of black boxers and put them on. He thought they would have to start rationing food and water. And clothes.

He finished dressing and found his dinner on the table. Castiel was waiting to eat with him. It was strangely reassuring. As if they were... No, they were nothing more than fellow travelers. Although Cas had... _bathed in his light_ , as he had put it.

"You're right, Dean, this soup is way better than the lasagna and the protein shakes."

"We'll have to figure out how much we can eat each day, Cas. And drink. After we finish here I will check our situation. It doesn’t look good, but we can try something. There may be some planet or moon in the area where we can land. "

Castiel listened in silence.

"The biggest problem is that we don’t know if we are close to the boundary of the mapped space."

"That would make things easier, would not it?" Castiel said thoughtfully. "It would be so easy if I could..."

"Could what?"

"If I could take my original form.  I might survive for a while out of this body. But I'm afraid Novak will suffer from it... "

"Can you leave his body? Why didn’t you tell me this before? "

"Well, I can. But I will not survive long away from him. My energy seems to have become dependent on matter. The longer I live in Novak's body, the less time I can survive away from it. "

"Okay... and how long do you think you could stay away... now?"

"I do not know. Maybe an hour or two. Would that be enough? "

Dean thought. He hated the idea that Castiel or Novak might suffer. But there were better possibilities if they had any idea where they were.

"Have you tried to leave?"

"No, but I believe it is possible. I can make a try if you want, just to try. "

"Won’t it  hurt either of you?"

"I can just be sure if I give it a try." Castiel closed his eyes and immediately a blue light began to pour from Novak’s open mouth. It began to grow in size and very quickly became an energy mass taller than Dean. The captain looked mesmerized, the color being exactly the same that Castiel had shown him during the union of their minds. And, coincidentally, Novak's eyes.

A tentacle-like projection advanced in his direction and touched his forehead.

 _"All right, Dean, there are no problems. I think we can try. I am leaving the ship and checking our surroundings. It will not be long. "_ The thought formed in Dean's mind without words, but he understood it still _._

"Cas, wait..." but it was late. The bright blue energy mass had already spread out of the ship.

Novak sat and Dean noticed that he was slowly opening his eyes.

"Dean..."

"James. How do you feel?"

"Weak. Lonely." He smiled faintly.

"Shouldn’t you be... I don’t know, meditating or anything like that?"

"Castiel already knows I'm going to die, still... He doesn’t stop trying. But there is no way to go back now. And I'm thankful for that. "

"Grateful? Why?"

"Well... When I boarded this ship bound for the colony, I... I knew I would never return. I was sick, Dean. I had a rare genetic disease and my life span was limited to a few months. I thought of being as much useful as I could, and then dying and being buried far from Oberon. "

"You said you had a rare disease..."

"Yes that's right. I had. Castiel healed my body. There is nothing wrong with it now. But my mind, my soul… there is no cure. "

Dean looked at him seriously.

"Cas told you I had brothers, didn’t he?" Dean shook his head in agreement.

"We were five brothers. We belonged to a very close family. When our parents passed away we decided to explore the galaxy, all together. The idea of separating at that critical moment didn’t please us. My older brother, Michael was an engineer and designed a ship for us. We planned our journey very carefully. It would end in the Colony Land 859-EC. Yes, Dean, our destination was the same as yours. But I’m not going to reach it. "He took a deep breath before continuing.

"Unfortunately, my diagnosis was known shortly before our departure. They wanted to cancel our plans, since the authorities wouldn’t allow me to go on the trip after learning about my illness. But I insisted they should go, even though I knew I probably would never see them again. I thought that when they returned I would have died, but... fate wanted different. "

Dean watched as his face mirrored the suffering Novak felt.

"The ship exploded at launch. A faulty design, the authorities said. My brothers… they all died instantly. How ironic is that the healthy brothers died and the ill one survived? "

Silence reigned in the kitchen for several minutes until Dean braced himself and asked,

"There is no way for you to survive?"

"I don’t want to live anymore. I just think of meeting my family, if that's possible, I don’t know... Nothing else matters. But Castiel has reason to continue existing. He's... curious, full of life. He wants to know more about the human condition. He... is in love... with the human condition. I don’t have the courage to be the cause of his disappointment. I'm going to leave and let him live. He is a special being. "

"Yes, he is..." and Dean wondered how he could express in a single word what he thought Castiel was "... unique" he said at last. But what he wanted to say, he couldn’t even admit to himself.


	14. Chapter 14

Just over an hour passed before Castiel's return. Novak had remained in the kitchen with Dean, who was looking at him worriedly. His face seemed to be marked by new wrinkles, his eyes definitely lacking the usual spark.

When Castiel returned, he lodged in Novak's body as easily as he had left. Dean waited for a radical change in the dark-haired man's countenance, but he was surprised when the difference was small.

"Cas, you... are you okay?"

"Yes, Dean, just... I feel drained. I will need some time to recover before I can try again. "

"Try again? But you just returned... "

"I think next time we will have better results. I have already begun cataloging the space around us and I believe that I will be able, with the help of Novak's knowledge of the cartographic system, to construct a model to base our subsequent actions. Let me... us both... recover a while. "

"Come on. Novak didn’t want to, but you're going to lie down for a while. No discussion."

Castiel nodded, letting himself be pulled into the bedroom. Dean watched as he lay down slowly, showing weariness.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Dean asked anxiously, pulling the blanket over Castiel.

"James is asleep, but my mind is wide awake... Could you... read a little for me?"

"Sure, where's the datapad?" Castiel pointed to the compartment on the wall.

"Well... what would you like me to read?" He said, tapping the screen for the library icon.

"Anything. You choose."

Dean cleared his throat and looked at the choices he had. Cas had said he liked poetry, like Novak. Well, he’d pick a poem then, and opened the subfolder where they were, separated by author.

"Is Emily Dickinson okay?"

"Yes."

Dean took a deep breath and he began, his voice denouncing some insecurity:

_"Hope is the thing with feathers_

_Hope is the thing with feathers_  
_That perches in the soul,_  
_And sings the tune without the words,_  
_And never stops at all,_

 _And sweetest in the gale is heard;_  
_And sore must be the storm_  
_That could abash the little bird_  
_That kept so many warm._

 _I've heard it in the chillest land,_  
_And on the strangest sea;_  
_Yet, never, in extremity,_  
_It asked a crumb of me."_

The captain swallowed, embarrassed.

"Um,  I can’t read as I should... I don’t know if I understand what it means."

"Poetry is... in my perception... something that one has to bring into their core and amalgamate with their own experiences. Sensitivity shapes the pleasure you have with it. "

Dean looked at him lying there. He thought of saying something, but there was nothing he considered appropriate. Passing his finger across the screen, he asked,

"Should I keep reading?"

"Yes, Dean, if it is not too much."

"Whatever you want, Cas... Whatever you need."

*****

A few hours later they were both leaning over the map screen, adding the data brought by Castiel. There was a lot to catalog, but Dean still didn’t seem to be sure where they were.

"I'll have to go again, Dean. Every time I will go a little further. We have to find out something."

"But you said that... every time you would suffer more. Both of  you would suffer. Is it worth it? "

"I have to try, Dean. For all of us. "

Facing this, the captain lowered his head and asked:

"Tomorrow, okay? Rest a little more today, let's have dinner and sleep. "

"I would like to have that shower. Would you help me?"

"Oh, sure, I'd forgotten about that. Come on, I'll show you how. "

Reaching the bathroom, Dean walked to the shower cylinder and opened it. He turned to Castiel to explain what to do, and found his fellow traveler pulling on his own t-shirt. Dean swallowed hard. That was what he feared. His attraction for Novak, or for Castiel only increased with the passage of time. He was completely at the mercy of the feelings that these two aroused in him. That wasn’t good. If he had to help Castiel after Novak's death... how would he do it? It did not seem fair or right to take advantage of a being who was like a newborn. Even though he was very old, in this new life he was a beginner, he deserved to learn so much before he had a relationship with anyone, especially if that someone was a person like Dean. Before he could say anything, Castiel had already stripped completely.

Dean bent over and gathered the clothes, putting them in the right place. He tried to avoid looking at the agronomist's perfect body.

"Cas... ahem... Look, click here to start and... here to stop. Stay in the green circle, it's the area of action of the ultrasound.”

 Dean was leaving but stopped as he felt Cas' hand touch his shoulder.

 "You... would you cut my hair a little later? I cannot seem to fix it as it should be... James is a bit dissatisfied with that."

 "If... if you want… Later, okay? Let's have dinner first."

 "Yes, Dean, later, then."

*****

Castiel came into the kitchen shortly after. He was wearing loose sweatpants and a white t-shirt. Novak’s hair was messier than ever, and Dean felt a sudden urge to pull a lock of hair from his forehead. At the last moment he froze. That would be inappropriate. For a moment he thought he saw a glimpse of sadness in the other man's eyes.

"Cas, sit down and eat. We need to get you into bed soon. "

"I am not an invalid, Dean, I just got a little tired. I will recover, so do not worry. "

They ate in silence, Dean couldn’t think of anything to say. His confrontation with what he felt for Castiel had a great impact on him, and he knew that later he would have to be very close to him so he could cut his hair, as he had asked. It was a situation he would rather avoid, but there was no way to deny it to him without having to give any reasonable motive. And there was nothing but his irrational attraction to him… them. He didn’t intend to reveal that.

After cleaning the table, they went to the chamber room. Dean instructed him to sit on the bed while he would get the scissors and a towel. He found Cas obediently sitting and waiting. His gaze was absolutely tranquil, in contrast to the captain's fretted state.

Dean wondered what would be the best way to do that. The sooner he started, the sooner he would be free. He put the towel around Cas’ shoulders.

He raised his eyes to the mass of dark hair. They looked soft and Dean had been wanting to touch it for so long. Now that he could do it, he hesitated. He feared the closeness. He feared he couldn’t control himself.

Castiel kept looking at him expectantly.

Dean pulled the hair from his forehead slightly. It was long and silky. _It would be awesome to pull it lightly while... No_. _Focus_ , he reminded himself. He ran his fingers through the back of the head, checking the length.

"How do you want me to cut it?"

"I do not know, I think how... James had it when you first met in Oberon?"

Dean remembered that even then, when his hair was cut short, the top had been messed up by the constant winds of their native moon.

"OK. Just stay like this so I can... "And he noticed that Cas was sitting upright in bed. He decided to start from behind, where it was easier to hide from the other man's stare.

Slowly he started to relax. It was an activity he had performed many times, cutting off his father and brother's hair on their journeys in the past. A wave of longing swept his thoughts and he felt very lonely.

He moved to the front. Cas opened his legs a little so Dean could stand there and keep cutting. Unsure, he stood on tiptoe so he could stretch the longer strands up. In the face of so much tension, he swayed a little, leaning unintentionally on one of the thighs covered by the sweatpants. It was warm and firm under his hand.

His eyes met Cas’ for a second. Trying to keep calm, he stood on his tiptoes again and Castiel held his waist with both hands.

Dean almost choked at the touch, but tried to act cool. His heart seemed to be pounding so loud that he was sure the other was listening. Trying to avoid looking at Cas' face, he finished cutting the tuft. He laid the scissors on the mattress and gave a few more tweaks to straighten the hairstyle, as he remembered him from so many months before.

The strong hands of Castiel didn’t let go of the place where they supported him and Dean was pleased by that touch which, he knew, he shouldn’t get.

Resting his feet flat on the floor again, he said, "There. I hope... you'll like it" while trying to pull away.

Castiel had other plans, though. He kept holding Dean firmly in place. Dean struggled between what reason told him and what his body was asking for. He felt his cock beginning to react, against his will.

Cas’ blue eyes rested on his and they stayed there. Dean didn’t know what to do. Castiel breathed calmly, noticing his flushed face and his anxious features. He finally said:

"Dean... why are you afraid to be close to me?"

"Who said... that I'm afraid to be close to you?"

"You dodge whenever you can. I hope you know that I do not wish you any harm. I would never do anything to hurt you. "

"It's... that... I know. But this proximity... "

Cas' eyes dropped from his face, finding the new volume in Dean’s pants.

"Does this affect you... sexually? Is that it?" And Cas looked at his face again. He seemed genuinely curious.

"It shouldn’t. But many months have passed since... "

"Since you had sex? Is that the problem?"

Dean interpreted this as the curiosity of a child, in touch with the facts of life for the first time.

"Yes... hormones..." he tried to explain, but Cas interrupted him, saying with a small smile,

"I understand the role of hormones, Dean. Do not forget that I know your physiology. What I want to know is... Does this body affect you? Does it... arouses you? "

Dean felt trapped. How could he explain this to Cas?

"Well, yes... and no... You once asked me if... it was the norm for human beings to be attracted to both sexes and then... asked me if I liked... pie. The truth, Cas, is that... like Novak, I’m also attracted to... both men and women. "

"Hmm, I understand. It has nothing to do with being James’ body. Is it just... an attractive body? "

"Yeah... it's sexy." And saying that, he averted his eyes.

"I'm sorry to have made you feel uncomfortable. I think now is the time when you leave to take care of the matter... alone? "

Dean didn’t expect that. His eyes returned to Cas' face instantly.

"Unless... you want... my help," Castiel said softly.

Dean's breathing choked and he felt he needed to get out of there as quickly as possible, but Cas’ hands on his waist were still in place. When he realized, Castiel had gotten closer and he could feel his breath.

Surrendering to desire, he bowed his head and let himself be kissed by Castiel. This kiss started just as superficially as the previous one, but in a few moments Dean felt Castiel's tongue lick his lower lip, gentle yet insistent. The hands on his waist loosened and began to climb up his back. For a moment Dean allowed himself to remain there, engulfed by the heat of that desirable body, letting himself be carried by his deepest need. However, his sense of decency took over his actions and he pulled away, pushing Castiel's shoulders.

"No... I can’t do that. Sorry. " He hurried off, leaving Castiel alone in the room.

Castiel had a confused look on his face. He closed his eyes, as if reflecting. He needed to talk to James about that. He wanted to understand.

He needed to understand. 


	15. Chapter 15

Dean didn’t go back to sleep in the chamber room. An armchair on the bridge and a blanket had to be enough. He couldn’t face Castiel at the moment.

In the morning, he prepared the two usual shakes. He sat down at the table and waited. When Cas came in, looking embarrassed, he pushed the glass toward him, beckoning him to sit down. The silence, however, was heavy in the room. It was up to Castiel to break it:

"I am going out now. I will be back soon. Take care of James. " And he detached himself from the body, heading for the outside of the ship, giving Dean no chance to object.

"Cas... wait..." Dean said, but it was too late.

"Good... morning... Dean." It was James. His countenance was even more exhausted than the day before.

Dean took a deep breath and noticing the other's state decided not to raise the subject of the kiss. But he wouldn’t be spared discussing the subject.

"I... need... to apologize... Castiel is very embarrassed... but he is... curious. He wants to know more. And I... I may have... encouraged him... unintentionally. Please... he will no longer take... those attitudes toward you. "

Dean looked at him, a frown in his face that mixed embarrassment and confusion, but he didn’t answer. He didn’t know what to say.

"Take care of him, Dean... When I'm gone. He... needs a guide. Please... do it for him. "And he began gasping and coughing, forcing the captain to get up and take him back to bed.

p>"Take care of him... please... when... I'm not... here anymore" he said, leaning back, looking too tired to continue.

Dean sat on his bed and watched him for a long time.

*****

Castiel came back and immediately took James out of bed to sit in front of the new map they were building. The other man tried to stop him, but Castiel was determined. When Dean saw why, he understood the alien's excitement.

"It could be a trade route, Dean. There are perceptible radiation traces and they are compatible with human ships. "

"So out of the mapped area? It could be a lot of things… illegal substances dealers, criminals, pirates... But let's not look a gift horse in the mouth, right? "

"Horse? What do you mean by that?"

"Don’t you know that expression? James didn’t explain? "

"James is... unavailable at the moment. He's... drifting away. I feel he will not be spending much more time with us and... " he interrupted, indicating a regret that Dean couldn’t imagine Cas being capable of.

"If you, say, stop leaving his body..."

"He has already made it clear to me what he wants. I must honor my promise and continue my work.  I cannot help but feel that... he will leave a huge void. " He said, lowering his head in a surprisingly human gesture.

Dean had realized how much the alien had changed since the contact with the human who had welcomed him. How much more and more he resembled the man James Novak, though he kept his own peculiarities.

"We'll miss him, I know. But you're right. We have to continue, or the sacrifice of the two of you will be in vain. Now... we have to talk about our situation. Last night... "and he casted an embarrassed glance at Cas, "I remade the calculations of oxygen consumption. It’s not good news... "

Castiel watched him, waiting for him to continue.

"I don’t know if it was the collision, if it was the anomalous situation that we live... what happens is that we are at a lower than expected level at oxygen. If we continue as we are... It will be enough for... four days at most."

"Four days? I do not know if it will be enough to... "

"We’ll do what we can. First, I will seal the cargo deck and drain the oxygen that it’s in it, stocking for our use. It’ll add a few hours, so I figured we'll have four days, a little more, a little less. We must also restrict our movements. "

"Right. And I will intensify the extra-body research. "

Dean made a point of opposing it, but Castiel was irreducible. He decided to go out again and dig deeper into the radioactive tracks.

Thinking about the situation as a whole, Dean decided to take some actions that were necessary. First, he transferred all the data from the new map they were building to Novak's datapad. He felt sorry for doing so, since he had to delete part of the library. He sought, however, to keep the poetry archives in respect of Novak and Castiel. He left it on the bed, beside the unconscious agronomist, so they would work there without extra physical stress for him.

Before sealing the cargo compartment, he checked the identification of all containers, making sure they contained the necessary information if the ship was found after they had perished. He separated the passengers personal luggage, adding information in case they have to be returned to their origin. He felt sad at the thought of the bride anxiously awaiting Garth's arrival at the colony. At least he would try to make sure she knew what had happened and got his belongings.

As he approached Novak's luggage, he realized it was small. He hadn’t noticed this before, but now he knew why. He didn’t have much time ahead of him and had decided to travel light. That touched Dean's heart, which had become deeply fond of him and his companion. He also felt that Castiel might not have the opportunity Novak wanted for him, that he had the chance to learn more about human life .

He climbed the stairs and sealed the compartment. They were confined, from that moment on, to the upper deck. He entered the bridge and began issuing a standard distress signal, since Castiel had noticed that there might be ship traffic in the area. He hadn’t done so before as a way to conserve energy.

He went to the chamber room and checked Novak's condition. He was still unconscious, but alive. Dean wished Cas would be back soon.

He sat down on his bed with his own datapad. He needed to record what had happened on this anomalous journey. He began a technical file, where he explained all the procedures taken. He left it open to continue adding further information.

Finally, he had the most important and difficult task. He needed to report everything to his brother. Even if the file was never delivered to its intended recipient, he needed to tell Sam what had happened. And Dean decided not to omit anything. Which included - even if he was afraid to talk about it - his deepest feelings. Desiring privacy, he retired to the bridge and began dictating his story.


	16. Chapter 16

Three of their remaining four days were spent in a frenzy. Castiel left the body as much as possible, hoping to widen the range of information they had about where they were. He was back exhausted, but he worked incessantly, resting only when he thought they had enough. Dean thought he was over exerting himself and begged him to spare his energy. He didn’t hear him, though.

Dean divided himself between taking care of James Novak and Castiel - both when they were together and separated - and completing the personal archive intended for Sam. He had no appetite but he prepared light meals so Novak could maintain his strength. Castiel needed him.

As they entered the last period of Oberon's twenty-one-hour day, Dean felt they had reached their limit. As soon as Castiel left what they knew to be his last solitary research expedition outside the ship, Dean held Novak's wrist to check his heart rate. He had not communicated with either in the last couple of days, seeming to have retreated into a state of deep meditation.

To Dean’s surprise, he opened his eyes.

"Dean..."

"Don’t strain yourself. Castiel will be back soon. "

"No-no... I need..." he gasped "to talk to you, Dean... for the... last time."

"Don’t talk like that. We still have hope of... "

"Dean... I... have a... last wish... I want to... ask you, but I fear... it will be inappropriate... If you wouldn’t want..."

"Anything. I can’t deny you anything. Whatever you ask, I'll do it without question. "

"Dean... I... I want you to kiss me... when I am... ready to... go." He took a deep breath before adding "A... gesture... of affection... before... before leaving... I need it... and it will ease the transition... for... Cas... He... will know when the time... comes… but... he fears... that do you  won’t... want to do it... for what he... did before. "

"A kiss. You will have it. Tell Cas not to worry, I understand perfectly. "

"Thank you... for taking care of me... and him... He... is now... like... a brother... to me."

And that said it all, Dean knew how much Novak loved his brothers. His chest tightened at the thought that another painful separation awaited him.

The man who had been James Novak, the agronomist, leaned back for the last time with a faint smile on his lips.

Dean couldn’t help the tear that rolled down his face. He felt that he was saying goodbye to a friend.

*****

Castiel came back and found Dean lying on his side in his own bed, facing Novak. He was deeply asleep, so Castiel took the datapad and included his last observations. He felt desolate for not being able to do more. Those last facts didn’t alter their present situation at all.

He looked at the captain again. His face, however, was not relaxed. Not like when Castiel had seen him for the first time.

There was nothing else to do. All the arrangements had been made and now all that remained was to wait for the outcome. Little by little the oxygen was depleted and with it their possibility of surviving.

Dean woke up and looked around. He immediately noticed Castiel's return.

"Hey, Cas... It's good to have you back. Despite..."

"Please, Dean, could we not talk about the... impending end?"

"If you start the conversation by mentioning it..." he tried to joke. "How was your journey this time?"

"Too little to add, I fear. I wish we had some more time. "

"The only thing we don’t have... other than oxygen, of course," he said with a bitter smile.

Dean raised a little from his mattress and reached into his pocket for the little memory crystal that held his account for Sam. He had put it in a cord and now hung it around his neck. He knew that time had almost run out, and it seemed right to abandon this life with what belonged to his brother close to his heart. Castiel watched the gesture in silence.

Their eyes met for a moment. There was grief on both faces.

For a second, however, Cas' face seemed unstable, like a radio coming out of tune. Dean stared at him, afraid that this was the last moment.

"Dean...this... is it... Please... please. Thank you… very much..."

The captain didn’t hesitate. He jumped from his bed and in two steps approached James/Castiel. Dean took his face in his hands and gently joined their mouths. A gesture of affection, Novak had said. He would have it.

His eyes closed as he devoted all his attention to the moment. James Novak deserved this. As he moved his lips, he thought about how much he had wanted this and how things had been different than he had imagined. When the other's lips parted, his tongue touching his, warily, Dean deepened the kiss, wishing he could convey all his gratitude and affection. He felt Novak's hands wrap around his waist, drawing them even closer. In the gentle heat of the moment, Dean slowly felt the electricity drain away. He knew that Cas had also noticed the change, because he clung to Dean more strongly.

A second more and... Instead of three, that contact contained only two individuals. Abruptly as it had begun, the kiss came to an end and Dean found himself looking at the deep sadness on Castiel's face. Yes, it was Castiel's face now. For as long as they had left.

Cas’ mouth opened in a silent scream. His breath stammered as he inhaled... His eyes filled with tears and he cried for his friend, for the brother who was gone.

Dean hugged him tightly, bringing his face to lean against his shoulder. Castiel shed his first tears as a human, pierced by the most abominable pain.

Remembering that they had little time, Dean pushed him a little to lie down again. Then she joined him and wrapped him in his arms. Castiel's tears fell on his chest, soaking his shirt.

As they slowly drifted toward extinction, Dean cradled his friend, the person to whom he had devoted the most sincere sentiment in his entire life, kissing softly Cas' tousled hair.


	17. Chapter 17

Heavy, worn boots produced a muffled sound that echoed through the metal floor. The figure in an airtight suit walked slowly down the hallway.

In the command room he checked the ship's oxygen levels. He also noticed the light that was flashing insistently on the panel, demonstrating that the distress signal was still on.

 _"Jody... Jody!_ " The voice inside the helmet called. _"Where... JODY!"_

In a moment her communicator clicked and the woman replied:

_"I'm here, Bobby... What did you find?"_

_"The ship has a very low supply of oxygen. I'll check for survivors on board. If I give the signal, start pumping oxygen in here immediately. "_

Leaving the bridge he walked in the gloom to the door of what looked like the hibernation chamber. The door was closed but not sealed. He pushed it to the side and what he saw surprised him.

In the room with four stasis chambers, three of them were open. One was sealed and still showing luminous signs. One of the beds was occupied by two people - two men – in a tight embrace. Bobby came quickly and reached out to touch the closest man's jugular. He was alive. He touched the other and felt the same. He quickly took two portable oxygen masks from his toolbox and fixed them over the mouth and nose of the two occupants of the bed. They didn’t move, but the mature, bearded man in the space suit made sure that the equipment was working properly. It was only a matter of minutes now.

He turned to the other chamber and checked the occupant's vital signs. Everything seemed to be in order. The chambers had precedence in the supply of oxygen and, under normal circumstances, of the three passengers he would be the last to die by asphyxiation. He looked down the hatch to see the face of the thinnest man he'd ever seen. It seemed to be in the midst of a pleasant dream.

As he watched the occupant of the chamber, the taller man, the one that had his arms around  the other one protectively, began to move. He breathed harder and blinked. His first glance went to the man in his arms. He touched the mask on his face and looked around to find the man in a helmet.

_"Jody... start sending oxygen in here! There are three people on board. "_

_"OK. Oxygen on the way... Are they all right? "_

_"It seems so. Let me check."_ Approaching, he said, in his deep voice _" Am I interrupting something? "_

"Who... who are you? How did you find us? "

_"We heard your distress signal... How's your friend?"_

Dean began to lightly shake the man still unconscious.

"Cas... Castiel..." Slowly his eyes opened and in a shock at the sight of the strange man he moved a little toward the far wall of the room. If Dean arms weren’t around him, he would have fallen out of bed.

_"My name is Bobby Singer. I'm the owner of a tug ship. I found your ship... fortunately in time. In a few minutes you can take off the masks. My assistant is replenishing your oxygen supply. "_

Dean looked confused. He looked at the man and thought before he spoke. "Bobby Singer... this name... are you from Oberon?"

_"I haven’t been there for a long time, but, yes... I was born there."_

"You... didn’t you know my father? John Winchester?"

_"Are you John's son? Which one? The quiet one or the ‘fond of getting in trouble’ one? "_

Dean laughed, "Sam has never been that quiet..." And he reached out to shake Bobby's gloved hand.

 _"I think you can take off the mask now, son,"_ he said, pressing a button to release his helmet.

Dean removed the mask and took a deep breath. He turned to the other man, and took his off  as well, sitting and quickly moving away from him.

"My dad said you had set up a deep space business... Years ago."

Bobby smiled.

"Yes, when... my wife died. I set up a salvage yard and got a tugship service on Colony 859... "

"859 is our destination. Isn’t it right, Ca... _James_? "

"Yes," Castiel said, looking suspiciously at the newcomer. "I have a job there. And Garth too" and he pointed to the sealed chamber.

"Well, I don’t know what happened to you, but it seems I got here just in time... A little longer..."

"Mr. Singer… Thank you. My name is Dean. This is James Novak, an agronomist. And Garth, an automation specialist. How far from the colony are we? "

"One week, if we're not in a hurry. Could you tell me what you're doing here on the edge of unmapped space? "

"We had... problems. We were unable to correct the course. The distress signal was our last hope. We thought... we had reached the end of the line."

"And it almost was... Your call for help was too weak to be picked up on the local trade routes."

Dean looked at him curiously. "How did you find us, then?"

"Ah... it was very interesting. We were on the border, looking for the debris of a transport that had exploded in this area some time ago... Suddenly, a bright light caught our attention. It seemed like another explosion, but there was no record of shockwave, just... light. White, a strong light beam... for a second it was there and then it was gone. Turning our sensors toward it, we heard your distress signal. We thought it was another ship in trouble in the hands of pirates. You have no idea what that light was? "

Dean looked at Castiel, trying to communicate wordlessly. He realized immediately that the Cas thought the same. But they said nothing to Bobby.

"I can’t imagine... A reflection, maybe?"

"Well, I don’t know if we'll ever know. All I know is that the light saved your lives. Well, you must be hungry. Let's go to my ship, I have some fresh food, you must be sick of reconstituted food. "

"You bet we do..." he said, following him. Castiel looked suspicious, but Dean motioned for him to follow. They were in good hands. Bobby Singer was a friend.

*****

"So you two have decided to meet again, after so many years, at this remote location?" Jody asked. "What a coincidence!"

They were sitting at Singer's kitchen table. The woman had prepared a simple meal, but the food was fresh and Dean was grateful to be invited.

"Yes, I haven’t talked to John for... at least twenty years! How is he? "

"He passed away four years ago. I inherited his freighter. "

"I'm sorry. And how’s your brother?"

"Sam is an engineer in Oberon. He would like to go to some colony, but at the same time he can’t imagine his older brother away from him permanently, much less the Impala in the hands of other engineer. He takes care of it for me. When I'm away, he works for the shipyard. "

Bobby shook his head, remembering his friend and the Sam and Dean when they were just boys.

"And you, Mr. Novak? Do you intend to settle in the colony? Or is it a temporary job?" Jody asked, her gentle face opening into a soft smile.

"Ah, yes. It is temporary, but there is possibility of renewal of the contract indefinitely. I need to... see the place to decide. "

"In which hemisphere?"

"North, my contract is in the Lebanon county."

"Lebanon is just a few miles from our deposit. If you need any parts, mechanic support, you can look for us." She said and looked at Bobby, who nodded.

"Thank you for the offer. I might need it. The machinery I'm bringing... is not what I would call cutting-edge equipment. "

Dean watched as Castiel took Novak's place quietly. Having met him before his symbiosis with the alien, he realized that he knew how to emulate his manner of speaking and his gestures very well. He would be okay.

"Well, I see you two are tired. If you wish to return to your ship... "Jody said with a smile "... but feel free to come aboard the Sioux Falls at any time. We like to have visitors. "

Bobby grunted something unintelligible, which Dean interpreted as a complaint that his assistant was taking over as hostess. But Dean sincerely doubted that their relationship was purely professional. The beautiful, short-haired woman looked at Deans's old friend with undeniable affection.

*****

Dean went ahead, opening the hatch that led to the docking tube that now joined the two ships.

Castiel followed closely, in silence.

Dean opened the hatch that led to the interior of the Impala and held it open for Cas to accompany him inside. They were in the hallway, near to the entrance to the bridge.

"I think we should get Garth out of stasis, don’t you think?" Dean asked.

"Maybe it would be appropriate. Do you... do you intend to tell him what happened? What really happened?"

"Um... I think it's not absolutely necessary. We don’t need to... tell him about you and Novak. Did you guys know each other well before? "

"No, we met practically at departure time."

"Okay, then." He moved his arm toward the panel to trigger the specific command, but Castiel prevented it.

"Before you do it... I think we need to talk. "

"Yeah... right." Dean feared the conversation they would have, but he knew it was necessary.

Castiel turned and went to the kitchen, where he sat on one of the stools around the table. Dean joined him.

"Do you think, Dean... that the light..."

"Do you want to know if I think... it was caused by Novak? I don’t know. But now I woudn’t doubt it. "And he smiled conspiratorially at Cas.

"I was thinking... Perhaps an energetic release derived from our symbiosis at the time of... Of his passing." He deliberately avoided the word 'death'.

"Do you think it's possible?"

"Everything in our relationship is unique, I would not be surprised."

"Well, it was thanks to him that we were found on time then. I wish I could believe it was Novak's last gift to both of us. "

"Yes. And speaking of this... Your own ‘gift’ was greatly appreciated, he would have you know. "

Dean cleared his throat, embarrassed. "He asked me and I... I couldn’t deny him anything."

"He felt very grateful," said Cas. "It was clever of him to ask that of you. He knew that I... could try to cling to him when... it was time. And the kiss was the distraction he needed to go... without any problems. "

Dean lowered his head and smiled. It sounded like a perfect strategy.

"You need to know, Cas... He asked me again to take care of you... to be your guide in this new life. Speaking of which, how are you adapting to the new condition? "

"It was very difficult at first. I felt alone... confined in this body. But now I see it will not be... so hard. How did I interact with Mr. Singer and Ms. Mills? "

"Very well. I think you will do very well in your job at the colony. "

"Oh, with respect to that... Can I ask you one more favor? I know I should not, in the face of everything you have done for me... But... could you accompany me on my arrival in the village? "

"You don’t owe me anything, Cas. Don’t say that anymore, please. And the answer is yes, I will accompany you. Even if it's to help you unload the machinery. "Dean felt not only responsible for him but also indebted to Novak for his promise. But in fact, even if Castiel hadn’t made that request, he would have insisted on accompanying him. Now that they were going to part, he was reluctant to let him go.


	18. Chapter 18

The moment Garth's capsule was opened, the room was invaded by a cheerful melody. Dean didn’t know the artist, but he thought that nothing could fit better the bubbly spirit of the young man.

Castiel and he were there to watch the process closely. They immediately received a big smile.

"Hello, Jimmy. Captain" he said huskily. Castiel handed him a glass of water.

He received it gratefully. Then he shot an inquiring look at Castiel.

Dean feared that he had suspected something in the other's countenance, but Castiel was quick to interpret the look.

"My chamber had problems during the trip. I had to change. That's why I was awakened earlier."

"Welcome back, Garth. Take your time, we have a lot to talk about, okay? "Dean said, moving away.

Castiel stayed with him the whole time. He knew now how unpleasant the process was.

"Are we there yet?" He asked anxiously.

"Not really. We had some problems but now everything is fine. In a week we'll be in the colony. I think you're eager to meet your fiancée. "Cas said with a friendly look.

"Man... You can’t imagine! She's wonderful! We intend to get married as soon as possible." His face showed intense affection for that girl who had been waiting for him for the past few months. Cas thought about how good should be having someone who cared so much for him.

"What about you, Jimmy? I know you don’t know anyone there, but if you want, Bess has a huge family, maybe she could introduce you to one of her cousins. I just feel I have to warn  you that the prettiest of the cousins is already engaged." He said with a dreamy smile

"Perhaps, Garth... I am not thinking about that at the moment, but... I will let you know." He said with a sad smile. He had been fantasizing , even though it was unlikely, that Dean could stay with him in the colony. But he would only help him settle down. Dean had his own life, Castiel shouldn’t be so attached to him.

*****

They met later in the kitchen to tell a simplified account of the story. In their version, identical to what Bobby and Jodie had heard, a fragment of meteorite had only caused a change in route and problems in the stasis chamber where Novak was. They'd gone back to hibernation after a chamber change, but the detour had been greater than what Dean had tried to compensate. Bobby's involvement in the story had been kept as real as possible.

Garth didn’t seem to mind much, except when he knew this would lead to a delay of almost two weeks over the estimate. He has entered an extreme state of agitation while he couldn’t go aboard Singer's ship and contact his fiancée. After that, he seemed to be walking in the clouds again.

Dean began to think that perhaps he should communicate with Sam. Bobby had told him it was possible, but Dean had been so worried about Cas and the story that they would tell Garth that he couldn’t concentrate on it. But now that everything was going according to plan, he was be fidgeting with the data crystal around his neck.

Castiel noticed the nervous gesture. He sat down beside Dean on the bridge and asked if he was thinking of communicating with Oberon. He said Sam might be worried.

Dean turned to him. How could he explain that he was going to do it but that he debated internally if he should tell him everything? If he should send him the file he had dictated in its entirety, which included... his feelings for Castiel?

"I'll talk to him, Cas. Bobby told me that it would be better if we were closer to the point in the trajectory aligned with the transmission antennas. We'll be there in two days. "

Castiel kept looking at the crystal turning between Dean's fingers.

"I'm glad. I wish I could... get in touch with my brothers. "

"You think I should tell him... the truth, I mean?"

"If you want. I know you trust him. I do not object. "

"Hmmm... So I guess I'll tell him. It's a lot to keep just for me. "

"I wish I could meet him one day. Sam. "

"Maybe someday? When you get back to Oberon, you know where to find me. " Dean smiled and stared at him.

"Do you want to go home soon?" Castiel looked away, not wanting to show his grief.

"I don’t know. There is not much for me here. It would be good to get some cargo back. This may take some time. Bobby will help me. "

"If you want..." he hesitated "... you can stay in my house... for the time it takes. Although I do not even know what type of accommodation they have reserved for me. "

"An agronomist? Coming from as far away as Oberon? It must be a palace. I will be happy to... accept your hospitality for a few days... as long as you have a bathtub. "And immediately he regretted saying that. His mind spiraled into thoughts where Castiel came out of a lake, amid the foam... What an untimely moment for that memory...

"Bathtub or not, you will be welcome."

Dean swallowed and said,

"Thank you, Cas, that's very kind of you. But I don’t understand how you may not be wanting to get away from me as fast as you can. " He was joking, but the thought had a lot to do with what he thought about himself.

"You're my friend, Dean, I consider you almost like family. What we have lived together is something very serious. I ask you not to say things like that. "And he stood up, leaving at once. He needed to get away for a while, fearing he was about to take action on Dean that Novak had told him to be inappropriate.

*****

Dean sat in front of the console. The transmission would start within the next 30 seconds. Still unsure, Dean pressed the button and began to speak:

_"Hello, Sam. I hope you're well. For my part, things didn’t turn out exactly as expected. We're late, but you'll know why. I'm getting in touch so you know I'm fine. I had the opportunity to meet that old friend of our father, Bobby Singer, do you remember him? He's been helping a lot. He remembers you and sends his regards. "_

_He took a deep breath before continuing:_

_"Sam, I... well, there was a time when I thought I wouldn’t survive this trip. I explained everything in a letter to you. It contains the whole story in detail. I thought a lot if I should send you the file now that all is settled, but... there you go. Please read it carefully. It's all described there. Even what seems unbelievable... is all true. When you read it, I'd like to know what you think about it. The truth is... I've had time to rethink my life... but let's not talk about it now. Contact us when you can. I'll be landing in the colony in three days._ _"_

He inserted the data crystal into the console and attached it to the message using a secure channel. He turned off the transmitter and sighed.

He knew the transmission would not reach Oberon for at least a few hours. He returned to his ship, determined to expend some of the energy it seemed to have in abundance at the moment running on the treadmill. He needed to occupy his mind and body.

*****

When Sam's response came, Dean was in the Sioux Falls kitchen talking to Jody. She was cooking dinner and Dean always felt good amidst the scents emanating from the bubbling pots.

Jody had told him she'd met Bobby by the time she'd come to this colony as part of the security detachment after she'd lost her husband and son in an accident. But she knew enough about engines and she began working on the parts depot. She stopped talking, but Dean could imagine the rest. He had noticed that in the tug ship only one of the rooms was being occupied. And who could blame Bobby? She was attractive, affectionate, seemed to ignore the captain's grumpiness and was a good cook. What more could he want?

Bobby called him, "Dean, Sam's response came."

Dean got up and asked if Bobby could transfer it to the Impala communications console. He thanked her, went through the kitchen to steal a slice of freshly baked bread, and headed for his ship.

He sat down in front of the console, and to make sure no one would hear, he put the headphones on.

_"Hi, Dean. Glad to know that despite everything, you're fine. At first I wondered if it had been some fault on my part or Charlie's, but then... after hearing his detailed account... I know that wasn’t the case. Don’t worry, I haven’t told anyone. Even if I had, I doubt anyone would believe it. I myself... had difficulty accepting certain things. But... if you say it all happened like this, I believe. "_

Dean heard his brother clear his throat before continuing.

_"As for Castiel... I don’t know what to say. You say that he is good, that he has good intentions and he sacrificed himself for you. Actually... I don’t doubt that. You are a good judge of character and you survived thanks to what he did. What puzzled me, let's face it, was the way you talked about him. I never heard you talk about anyone like that, Dean. He seems to have caused a... great impact on you. And that's what worries me. I know you don’t like to talk about these matters, but... I don’t want you to get hurt, if you understand me... Well, if you need anything, get in touch as soon as possible. When you know the date of your return, let me know. Miss you. Charlie sends a kiss. Tell Bobby'I have fond memories of him. I remember one day when he took me to play ball, contradicting father who wanted him to show me how an engine worked. He is a good person."_

_"That’s it. Contact us when you have landed and you have settled. Send my regards to... Castiel. Take care."_

Dean felt his chest tighten at the sound of his brother's voice. He missed Sam so much. Though they argued most of the time, he enjoyed his cool analysis of things and his sagacity. He had seen how Dean felt about Castiel. But he also knew that Dean wouldn’t accept advice in this matter. He had tried many times to know that he shouldn’t do it. At the moment, however, Dean would have liked to hear his opinion.

*****

On the planned day, they landed on the colony's spaceport. It was a busy place, which surprised Dean. He didn’t imagine that such a place would have so much traffic of interstellar vehicles. Bobby explained that this planet had become a commercial and industrial center for the human community of the various colonies nearby.

After supervising the landing and cargo unloading, Dean climbed to the bridge to move the ship to one of the hangars. As soon as he was alone on the Impala, he inspected it briefly to make sure everything was in order. As he passed through the cargo area, he felt compelled to touch the surface that had been replaced by the energy converted into matter by Castiel. He expected to feel the vibration he had felt that day so many months ago, but found no trace of it.

He picked up his luggage and disembarked, walking toward a land transport that would take him to the terminal from where they would board the train to the village where Cas was expected.

He found Garth and Castiel sitting at a table in the eating area. They had coffee and talked. Dean approached and greeted them, being informed that the train would leave in a few minutes. Garth looked even more anxious. He couldn’t wait to meet his fiancée. Dean thought about what it would be like to have someone waiting for him.

They took the train and the trip of about three hours was made in lively conversation, started by the young automation specialist. Dean laughed at some joke when he realized that Castiel was quiet, just watching him.

"Is everything alright, Jimmy?" He asked.

"Yes, Dean, I like hearing you laugh. This happened just a few times during the trip. It's a.... comforting sight."

Dean felt his face burn. Castiel wasn’t supposed to say those things, but perhaps he didn’t realize how it affected him.

They descended at the station and were greeted by the head of the rural community, a woman of short stature who introduced herself as Missouri Moseley.

"I see you had a good trip," he said, shaking hands with the three of them. Mr. Fitzgerald, your fiancée is coming, she told me she had a setback. She asked you to wait for her here. I'm taking Mr. Novak to his new home. Will Mr. Winchester accompany you? "

"Yes, Mrs. Moseley." Castiel answered.

"Call me Missouri, may I call you James? We try to be informal here. "

"Sure. I do not think Dean will care about being called by his first name, right? "

Dean was feeling extremely uncomfortable around that woman who emanated authority through every pore. Of course she could call him Dean if she wanted to, so he just shook his head.

Arriving at the estate in rural Lebanon, they stopped in front of a beautiful house with a garden, surrounded by lush green woods. Dean had told Cas that he probably would live in a palace, but he would never have imagined this. The place was quiet and the cottage looked cozy. It was a place that reminded him of his vacations on Lake Kansas as a boy.

Missouri left them at the door and left, instructing them to get in touch with her if they needed anything.

Castiel looked at Dean, expecting what to do, so he went ahead and opened the door, taking the key out of Cas’ hands. He let the other in first and followed.

The house was actually very good. It was spacious and light. It  had the atmosphere of... a home, Dean thought, remembering the time when his mother was alive and he had lived in a similar place, before his life became the interior of an interstellar ship.

Castiel seemed out of place there. Dean thought that it must be a rather abrupt transition to live in a house in a colony after having lived in the vastness of space for many centuries (he supposed).

Dean took the luggage from his hands and climbed the stairs.

"Let's see where your room is, Cas."

Castiel climbed behind him, looking at all the details. He seemed to want to memorize everything on his first contact.

There were several doors around the landing. Dean tried the first one and it was a bathroom. Under the window there was a white, old-style bathtub. He smiled at Cas, raising his eyebrows.

"You found your tub, Dean. Feel free to use it whenever you want. "

"Look, I think I'll end up coming to sleep in it" he joked. Then he thought it might be true, if there was no guest room in the house.

The next door was a bedroom with a double bed in the center. There were cabinets and shelves scattered across the walls. Dean set the luggage at the foot of the bed, walking to open the window. The perfumed air that entered through it transported him again into the days of his childhood.

Castiel was by his side and looked, visibly delighted, at the trees that surrounded the house. His eyes sparkled in the sunlight. Dean thought Cas would be happy there.

They left the room and found a small office and another bedroom where there was a bed and a closet. Dean sighed, relieved, and dropped his suitcase on the rug.

Castiel stood at the door and gazed at him intently. Dean immediately felt very conscious of himself. He longed deeply to advance those few steps that separated them and embrace Cas. He wanted to kiss him until they were out of breath.

"Thank you, Dean. For everything" Castiel said. "I hope I can count on your presence for as long as you want. I need you to know that you have a friend in me. A friend you can always count on."

Dean felt embarrassed and lowered his eyes, saying,

"I thank you for your... hospitality."  Remembering something he asked, eagerly:

"Maybe I could try that tub now?"

Castiel laughed and shook his head. "Whatever you want, Dean, whatever you want."


	19. Chapter 19

Dean stepped out of the tub after the longest bath of his life feeling relaxed. His fingers looked like prunes, but he was not going to mind a small thing like that when he felt so good.

He dried himself and got dressed, finding Castiel in the kitchen of his new home, looking perplexed at the utensils and ingredients that someone had kindly stocked there for him.

"I wanted to cook a meal, but... I'm sorry, James never knew how to cook and so... Is there any of those meals that I just need to add water?" He rummaged through the grocery cabinet.

"Please, God, make that there is not such abomination in this house!" Dean said, approaching. Over Cas' shoulder he took a packet of flour. His movements were followed closely by a pair of very interested blue eyes.

"How about some pancakes? Get me the eggs, milk and butter from the refrigerator, please... That, now I just need some salt and sugar... Thank you, Cas. "

Dean began to mix the ingredients with skill achieved over time, the whole process accompanied by a curious Castiel. When the light batter was bubbling, Dean began pouring small portions on the hot plate, turning them when they were perfectly browned. The sweet smell filled the kitchen.

When two stacks of pancakes were ready, Dean covered them with syrup. Whoever had made the purchases for Castiel knew some things about home cooked meals. They sat down to eat and Castiel seemed surprised by the flavors. His face brightened when he asked,

"Could not you teach me how to cook? Your pancakes... " he said through the chew "... are... mmm… great... "

"You know you’re not supposed to talk with your mouth full, right?" Dean countered, laughing. "I can only teach what I know, which is not much... But if you are satisfied with pancakes, burgers on the grill and apple pie, I think we can start today."

"Today? With apple pie? " He asked, excited by the idea.

"If there are apples, of course." It turns out that there were none, so they delayed the baking class for when they had them.

Dean leaned back in his chair, staring out the window at the landscape outside. Castiel, for his part, was looking at Dean.

"Is there... a lake out there?" Dean wanted to know.

"We can explore a bit if you're willing to walk."

Dean agreed and they both went out to see the surroundings. The house was surrounded by a fresh grove, and beyond it there were areas for agriculture. This was the work James Novak was going to do at this colony. One day a barren planet, now a green and prosperous world. He was a specialist in terraforming and came here to help settlers with the difficulties that arose during the process. This colony was old enough to have already overcome most of the problems, but an agronomist was always useful, a valued professional in an environment like that.

Following the fence that separated their property from the neighboring farm, they took advantage of the sunny afternoon that would soon be over. They walked in silence, especially since Castiel seemed to be soaking in all the sounds and images around him and Dean didn’t want to ruin the moment with small talk. He admired the excitement of his friend and wished, he could also discover a new world, or at least an interesting way of seeing what was around him.

A door was ajar for him, he knew, but he dared not open it and enter. He didn’t think Castiel deserved that. He was like a child, even though he possessed knowledge and wisdom beyond anything Dean could imagine. He wouldn’t be the one who would have Castiel know pain and the disillusionment. Dean knew he had caused sadness to so many to dare imagining that he could make Castiel happy.

They returned home when the light left the scene and the stars appeared on the horizon. There was no moonlight to light their way, the planet had no natural satellites.

Entering the house, Castiel noticed that there was a message waiting for him. It was Garth's, inviting himself to visit them the next day. Garth an Cas had both been given a week's worth of acclimatization before taking on their professional duties. The automation specialist said he needed to introduce Bess to them. Castiel laughed at the thought of how much he adored his fiancée.

Dean wanted to cook dinner, but Castiel suggested that they only should eat something light, since he was tired and wanted go to bed early. Dean couldn’t reject the idea, exhausted as he was.

They ate talking about Castiel's new work, and then Dean told him about Sam's response.

"Did he believe what you told him? About... about James and me? "Castiel asked anxiously.

"Yes, he knows I couldn’t create such a fantastic story. Oh, and he sent you his regards. "

"I'd like to meet him someday. I hope it's possible. "

"Maybe..." Dean said, but internally he thought this would be practically impossible. He was leaving in a few days, as soon as Cas began his job. He was going to stay at Bobby's for a few days, helping him in the warehouse until there was some cargo for Oberon.

He didn’t want to think about it yet. He wanted to take advantage of that free week to help Cas in his everyday activities, guiding him as best he could. That was what he had assured Novak that he would do and he intended to keep his promise.

When the door of the guest room closed behind him, Dean sat on the bed for a moment. He listened, on the other side of the hall, Castiel getting ready to sleep. He thought of how good it would be to share that large bed.

But Dean was in the guest bedroom and would sleep alone. For the rest of the nights he would spend at Castiel's house.

*****

They woke up early and decided to go out and buy some apples. Castiel was determined to serve apple pie for Garth and Bess. And if he could learn to make pie with Dean, that would be even better. He was sure that when he would taste it he would like it. If this feeling was motivated by Dean's personal taste or because it would be made by his freckled hands, it didn’t matter to Cas.

On the way, Dean finally saw what he had been looking for the day before. A sign on the road indicated the way to ‘Lake Serene’. It was the only thing missing in Dean's fantasies of reliving his teenage days. He pointed it to Cas, excited:

"Cas, could we... visit the lake someday? Maybe go fishing? Or even swimming? "

"Your passion for water is intriguing, Dean. But, yes, we can come back tomorrow if you want. "

The smile that lit up Dean's face lingered on until they returned home and he started to prepare the pie dough. He instructed Castiel about peeling and chopping the apples, while lining the pan with the soft mixture of flour and butter, which would turn into a flaky crust. Castiel brought his datapad to note down the steps of the recipe. He would try it another day alone. But Dean had to be there to taste it afterwards to give his approval, if he deserved it.

As soon as the pie was in the oven and the smell of cinnamon spread through the house, Castiel began to salivate, wondering what the taste would be like.

Garth and Bess arrived at the scheduled time. Dean had to admit that Garth's fiancée was all he had said he was. And a little more. She gazed at his companion, and her love for him was crystal clear. When Dean looked at Cas, he noticed that he had also perceived their happiness, and he could have sworn there was a hint of envy in his eyes.

They said goodbye, promising to send an invitation to the wedding ceremony that would take place the following month. Dean sincerely wished he could still be in the colony to attend, but at the same time he thought that it would only emphasize how lonely he was.

*****

The next morning, Castiel awoke with a light knock on his door.

"Cas... are you awake?" Dean's anxious voice called out.

"Um... what time is it?" He asked sleepily. The answer was unintelligible.

"Dean, come in here, I do not understand anything you say..."

The freckled man hesitated, but opened a crack to say,

"Are you decent, man?"

"Decent... how? You mean, dressed? Yes, Dean, you can come in" he muttered, hiding his face into the pillow.

Dean slipped in, but Castiel was covered by the sheet, only his bare shoulders and upper arms visible.

"Cas, how do you feel about going fishing now? It's the best time. "

"Fishing? But do not we need some equipment? "

"Bess told me they rented equipment on Lake Serene. Let's go?"

Cas turned slowly, his hair completely messed up, his eyelids half open.

"All right, Dean, just give me a few minutes."

While Dean sat on the front porch waiting for Cas he felt like he was fifteen. When he had been with my family for the last time on vacation in Oberon. He kept those memories in a special place in his mind... Those days had been his last days of carefree life. Soon afterwards his mother had passed away, and his father, in despair, purchased an interplanetary freighter, dragging his children with him.

He shook off the sad memories when Castiel appeared at the door. He held a plastic container in his hands. And he had a smile on his lips.

"Let’s to?" Cas said excitedly, "What do you intend to do with the fish we catch?"

"I like your trust in my abilities, Cas. If we catch something and it's of a reasonable size, we can roast it, what do you think? "

"Whatever you say, Dean. James has no memories of fishing. These will be all mine! "

Dean smiled, watching the other man's joy at his new life. He hoped he could have many happy moments that he could consider really his own.

They turned on the road that led to the lake. It wasn’t far. They found the cabin that rented fishing equipment and provided bait. Castiel refused to use live bait as they sat on the deck to begin fishing. Soon they were both silent, watching the placid waters.

Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was very similar to what he had experienced as a young man. Except... for the warmth emanating from the man at his side. He had sat very close and Dean had not been able to pull away. Nostalgia was replaced by something else.

Trying to hide what he felt, he asked Castiel what was in the plastic container.

"The leftovers of the pie. I thought it would be a good snack. Too bad there's not much left... Would you like to share? "

"Hmm, pie... Every time is a good time for pie. Yes, I would like some. "

Castiel opened the lid. Since there was no cutlery, he broke a large piece and held it out to Dean. Feeling bold, he stretched his arm even more and placed it close to Dean's lips. Dean gasped at the intimacy of the gesture. But he opened his mouth and accepted the treat that was offered him with a gentle look. With the same hand Castiel served himself, licking his fingers as the sugary syrup flowed through them.

Dean watched it mesmerized. Castiel had long fingers, beautiful hands. The Impala captain had admired them before. When the other offered him some more, Dean couldn’t control his tongue and it licked the tips of Cas’ fingers. He didn’t seem to care. But Dean, realizing what he had done, felt mortified. He was acting in a wrong way toward the being  he had promised to guide in his new life.

He cleared his throat and rose quickly. He mumbled something about fetching a drink and walked away, embarrassed.

He spent a few minutes thinking, in the shade of the drinks kiosk. He must have apologized, but Castiel hadn’t noticed anything unusual. Walking slowly, still feeling guilty, he returned to the place where he had left his friend.

He was surprised to see Castiel talking to a young woman. She was shorter than he, her brown hair flowing in the breeze. He smiled and nodded. Dean stopped where he was and turned quickly. That's what he should do: give Cas opportunities to build a life for himself, maybe get married and raise a family.

Dean had nothing more to offer Cas than a nomadic existence onboard an old freighter. That was nothing compared to having a family of his own.

After some time, he headed back to the deck. Castiel was alone, but he was still smiling.

"Sorry for the delay, Cas, but I saw you... and the lady talking and I didn’t want to disturb you..."

"Oh,  she's the principal of the community school. Her name is Daphne and she lives in the house next to mine. He said he always comes here before work. She's a very kind woman. "

"Cute, too, don’t you think?"

"Hmm... yes... I think so."

Dean felt torn between the obligation he had assumed and his own feelings. If he acted according to his will, he would kiss Castiel until every remembrance of the woman was erased, replaced by the sensation of Dean's mouth on his. But he wouldn’t do it, despite his own suffering.

The day seemed to have lost its fun, and he longed to go away. He got up abruptly.

"I don’t think we are going to catch anything today, Cas" he said, picking up the equipment. Castiel looked at him in confusion.

"But it's still early... Don’t you want... to swim?" He asked.

"I'm not feeling well, really. Can we go now?"

They returned home in silence. Dean retreated to his room and contacted Bobby, calling the junkyard depot in the nearest town.

"Bobby, it's Dean. Any news? "

"Not yet, unless you're willing to accept a freight up to colony 904. That's what I have to offer you today. It's a relatively short trip, two-and-a-half months round trip, but there's a chance there's some cargo there for Oberon. Or you come back here and try something else. "

"Schedule this transportation for me. When shall I leave? "

"In three days, it's kind of urgent. Medical supplies. "

"I'll be ready to leave in three days."

*****

The conversation over dinner was not as spontaneous as on other days. Castiel seemed to realize that something was wrong. Dean was distant and seemed to evade personal questions.

As they finished eating, he finally managed to tell Cas he would be leaving soon.

Castiel was visibly disappointed, but Dean knew it was the best thing to do.

*****

That night Dean was haunted by nightmares. They began with the known landscape of the lake. He was fishing, as usual, but no fish bit the bait. Suddenly, out of the water came Castiel, in his virile beauty. But instead of approaching Dean, he was welcomed with open arms by the woman he had met that day. She wrapped him in her arms and took him away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Terraforming is the name given to the hitherto hypothetical process of modifying the atmosphere and temperature of a solid celestial body (such as a planet or a natural satellite) to leaving it in proper conditions to support an ecosystem with living Earth beings. Much has been speculated about terraforming since the earliest days of space exploration. Most of what is known about the modification of planets is based on what we have already observed in our own world. On Earth, the effects of pollution on the ecosystem are increasingly evident, a sign that it is possible to affect the environment on a global scale in order to change it - although this process may be very slow.  
> The possibility of creating a planetary biosphere that imitates the Earth on another planet still needs to be studied, since the effects of atmospheric changes and temperature on the geology, geodynamics and morphology of a planet are not known.


	20. Chapter 20

The captain of the Impala left early after breakfast. He left the village for the neighboring town, where he would find his father's old friend. Bobby, though grumpy, was very loyal and Dean felt welcomed into his simple house.

Jody greeted him warmly and asked about Castiel. Her eyes were curious and she seemed to expect Dean to talk about his travel companion with more affection. She looked disappointed when Dean didn’t do it. She should have known from Bobby's account how they were found on the day of their rescue, but their later attitudes should have dispelled the notion that there was more to them than friendship. At least that's what Dean thought.

He received from Bobby the papers and information necessary for the cargo he would transport to 904-EC. He needed to leave at the most within three days. There was time for a check on the engines, a cleanup and a confirmation of the schedule. He had gotten through Bobby to one of his programmers, a weird but nice man called Ash, who fell immediately in love with Charlie's previous programming. If these two could meet in person one day they would become fast friends, no doubt. _Two nerds_ , Dean thought.

He spent the night alone in the Impala. But he couldn’t deny that Castiel's presence remained very vivid in it.

*****

The next day was busy, with the inspection of the local authorities and the subsequent shipment of the of medicine boxes. Luckily there were no differentiated storage specifications. Dean was pleased to see the full storage area at the end of the day as well as his vehicle ready to go.

However, one situation remained open. _Castiel._

He came in contact with him at night, saying that the next morning he would come to his house to pick up his belongings and say goodbye. Castiel sounded sad, his voice losing some of the heat. He invited him over for breakfast. Dean agreed.

His night's sleep was troubled, filled with indistinct images that melted together, blue energy, disheveled hair and beautiful hands trying in vain to cling to him.

*****

Dean disembarked from the cab in front of Cas' house. For a few moments he stood looking at the porch, watching for the last time its welcoming appearance. He went up the steps and knocked on the door. He heard footsteps approaching, and then a familiar face opened the door.

"Good morning... Dean? I don’t think we were introduced, I'm Daphne. James talks a lot about you. He's busy in the kitchen. Come in."

He accepted the outstretched hand and squeezed it. He was amazed how Cas had been quick to invite the woman he'd met just two days ago to come to his house. Maybe... she even spent the night there. That thought struck him like a punch in the stomach.

Trying to conceal his confusion, Dean walked down the hall to the kitchen, not noticing the delicious scent emanating from it.

As he entered, he found Castiel with his back turned to the door, facing the stove. Dean hesitated to greet him, but it was inevitable.

"Hello, Cas..."

"Dean! You came earlier than I expected! " Dean thought it was because there was no time for Daphne to leave. Or maybe Cas wanted her to be there for the situation to be obvious. He didn’t want to think too much about either alternative.

"I wanted to have everything ready when you arrived, but some things are a lot harder than I imagined... Sit down while I finish the pancakes. I'm using your recipe, I hope you approve the result."

The cargo ship captain pulled up one of the chairs and sat down. In other circumstances he would come close and help Cas, but now he felt alienated in that house. Fifth wheel. And it was a too well-known feeling to be ignored.

As soon as he had settled in, he saw Daphne standing in the doorway expectantly. He looked from one to the other, as if he were... What? Suspicious of the friendly way Cas had treated him? Uncomfortable as if she knew... how he felt about Cas? She didn’t know, of course, but this suspicion was something she would soon overcome, for Dean wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible and never come back.

Then she walked to Cas and looked at what he was doing. One hand rested on the arm that held the spatula. They looked comfortable together. Well, Castiel was an affable person, easy to get along with, it was no wonder that Daphne had become so fond of him so fast. He knew how fast he himself had fallen in love with that warm-hearted being. Castiel was perfect. It was very easy.

She seemed to approve the result and whispered something in Castiel's ear. They looked at each other and smiled. He nodded in agreement and she kissed him on the cheek.

Dean was trying not to look, but he knew it would be easier if he took in the scene. It would hurt less when...

She suddenly took out the hand she had on Castiel’s arm. She turned to Dean and said,

"Well, I guess I'll go. It was nice meeting you, Dean. I hope we can talk more on another occasion. I'm very curious about your travels. See you, James. I have to run. "

And she hurried out, taking the coat that was folded over the back of one of the chairs. She slammed the door behind her.

Castiel turned to him with a smile.

"Okay, I finished the pancakes. Is the syrup on the table? Let me get the bacon... "

Dean was impressed while Castiel served him a hearty breakfast: bacon, pancakes, toast, eggs, coffee, orange juice. He just didn’t understand why Daphne had left before eating. It didn’t look very courteous on Cas' part.

Castiel sat down and began to serve. When Dean made no move to eat, he said with a frown:

"Oh, I thought you didn't have breakfast yet, being so early..."

"No, I... I didn’t. I'm just a bit overwhelmed. "

"Actually, I am a little too," he laughed. "I didn’t think I would enjoy cooking so much."

"You really are trying to create your own memories, aren’t you?" Dean said, obviously thinking of Daphne.

"Ah, yes, it is nice to have new experiences... Speaking of which, I was thinking of going to the lake again. We haven’t yet had a chance to swim. I know how to swim through James' experience, but I would like to... try for myself. "

Dean was beginning to doubt himself. Castiel seemed to be with Daphne. And now he wanted to go swimming with him. Only as friends. Had he misinterpreted Dean’s actions before?

His throat seemed to close around the toast. Dean didn’t want to think about that. What he knew - he was sure, in fact - was that he himself was destined to suffer. The sooner he left, the better. But he couldn’t run away. He had come to say goodbye. For good. He could stay a little longer. He owed it to Cas.

They finished eating and cleaned the table. Castiel asked him again about going swimming.

"So, let's go?"

 "I don’t know, Cas, I have nothing suitable to wear. How do we avoid filing for indecent exposure? The lake is a public place. "

"Don’t worry. James used to swim to work out and I think I have something to lend you. Come on. "

Dean scrambled up and followed Cas up the stairs. The master of the house opened the door to his room and rummaged in one of the dresser drawers, picking up two bathing trunks. Dean's eyes widened, as he didn’t think of exposing his body in such a small swimsuit. Things were going from bad to worse.

Castiel offered one of them, as if he was sure he would accept it. There was so much certainty in that gesture, so much confidence, that Dean couldn’t reject it.

"Well, I... I go... then..."

"Me too. We meet on the porch, okay? " And he closed the door with a smile.

Dean turned toward the room he occupied for a little while. He went in and closed the door. He changed his clothes quickly. He didn’t want to think about the fact that the piece of clothing had been worn previously by James. He decided he couldn’t just go that way. He pulled his jeans back over the trunks. And a t-shirt, he didn’t want his fat tummy exposed to the whole village as well.

When he reached the porch he found the other man in shorts, a light blue polo shirt, and leather slippers. He seemed totally at ease. With a perfect body like that, even Dean would feel confident.

They walked slowly toward the lake, Castiel asking innumerable questions about the trip he would make, about the cargo, the ship, about Bobby and Jody. Dean answered laconically.

The sound of his footsteps echoed on the boards of the deck. Castiel took off his slippers and sat on the edge, submerging his toes carefully.

"The water is cold. What do you think?"

"I think we can spend some time here, enjoying the sun. We can go for a swim a little later if you’d still want to. "

"Of course I’ll want! That experience has to be lived in your company, Dean. "

Dean didn’t answer. He decided to take matters into his own hands, to put an end to all that expectation. He quickly took off his clothes and shoes, exposing his body covered only by the little red swimsuit. He didn’t dare look at Castiel. He plunged in, thinking that the icy water would cool his burning face.

When he emerged, taking a deep breath, he heard another body hit the water. In a few moments Castiel appeared at his side, clearly chilled, but with a huge smile on his face.

"Dean! This is... it's... amazing! Thank you so much for allowing me to share this moment with you. "

The tight pain he felt in his chest melted slightly when he saw the childish excitement in Cas’ face. He laughed at him in turn and said,

"Now let's see if you really know how to swim. I want to see who gets first to that rock. Now!"

And what followed was a fierce competition, which Castiel won by a small margin. Happy, he enveloped Dean with his arms in a festive celebration, a thirty-five-year-old man looking as if he was only ten, thought Dean, delighted. But that was one of the reasons why he felt...

"Give me another chance! I bet I get to the deck first! " Dean said, already taking the first few strokes, followed closely by Castiel.

Castiel should have let Dean win, because he did it easily. Dean knew that Castiel was inhabiting the body of an athlete while he himself was not much dedicated to regular physical activities. Another kindness hard to ignore when one was in love...

They reached up to the wooden deck and sat, drying in the sun, enjoying the beauty that surrounded them.

Dean couldn’t look at Cas, then he looked at the far shore of the lake. He tried not to think it was the last time he would see it all. It was the last time he would see Cas.

Suddenly he felt a wet finger slip across the back of his hand resting on the worn wood of the deck. His eyes moved quickly to where he had felt that subtle touch.

"Dean, I..." Cas began, face down. Soon his blue eyes met Dean's and there was a plea there. "... we need to talk. Don’t you think?"

"We've been talking since I arrived, Cas." It was the fragile attempt to evade this discussion that he knew he couldn’t avoid.

Castiel began, somewhat uncertainly, to speak. His deep voice seemed even more serious.

"I remember everything. I remember all James’ life. In detail. " He began in a low voice, as if making confidences. "But what _I_ experience... is different. It has a stronger sensation, the sounds are sharper... It strikes me much more vividly. I know it's weird, but it's like that. "

Dean looked back to where Cas' fingers had landed on his. As if they wanted to anchor him that place and the moment they lived.

"James had a very active, rich life. He traveled and knew the places he wanted. He read a lot. He listened to music, wrote poetry. He devoted himself to  his profession with a deep commitment. He met a lot of people... he had a lot of lovers."

Dean felt a shiver start up his back. This wasn’t something he wanted to discuss. But he couldn’t articulate any answer.

"But... he... never loved anyone, not really. And he was aware of it. Not beyond his own family. He thought he might not have been... 'made' to love someone... He never met a person with whom he had connected on a deeper level. " He inhaled before continuing.

"When you two first met him in Oberon, he was immediately attracted to you."

Dean stared at him in surprise.

"But he knew it wasn’t worth it. Your contact would be brief and he... wouldn’t live long. He didn’t need that... extra baggage at the stage of life he was in. "

Dean cleared his throat. Maybe he should admit that the attraction had been mutual... but what good would it do now?

"James... became part of me, and I, part of him... I told you how much I was attracted to your light, Dean... Isn’t it ironic that we both... have immediately been drawn to you? "

Dean was too embarrassed to respond. He opened his mouth and closed it when he couldn’t utter a single word.

"Daphne told me..." Castiel stopped when the mention of the woman caused a small spasm in the hand beneath his. He looked curiously at it, then at the freckled face, puzzled. "... that I should be honest with you. Even if it made me suffer. That you deserved to know. "

"Know what, Cas?" He finally managed to stammer.

"Um... this is harder than I imagined..." The hand that warmed Dean's in a moment was no longer there, Castiel crossing his arms over his chest in a defensive position.

"You must know, Dean, that I... have harbored certain feelings for you..." He said, his voice faltering a little. He cleared his throat and continued, trying to impress upon the speech the conviction he felt: "I believe... I love you. Very much."

"Cas, don’t..."

"I'm not done yet, Dean, let me tell you everything I need. I think I loved you from the moment your light merged with mine. Your glow added to my being for a moment and when I pulled away... It was as if I had been... Released again into the vacuum of space, but it was no longer my environment. It was inhospitable. Cold. Lonely. Your... essence warmed me like a sun! But I didn’t dare approach you again, wondering how I would suffer even more by pulling away a second time. "

"By my ineptitude, your ship was then struck. I was relieved to realize that nothing had happened to you. However, there were damages that I desperately tried to correct. James... was dying. Without knowing it, I cured him of his previous illness. My contact with his essence, though complex, didn’t hit my being the way I experienced with you. But I then, abdicated everything I had to preserve the life of your passenger. "

"The first moments when our consciences came together were... highly disturbing. That's when I ended the stasis and got out of the chamber. That's when I approached you in a different way so I could... know if I'd still feel the same way. "

Unconsciously, Castiel unclasped his arms and stretched out a hand toward Dean.

"When I saw you through James' physical eyes... well..." he chuckled, "... I gave up all hope that someday I could walk away from you. That's when... I touched you with his human hand, do you remember? "

Dean remembered too well. The almost reverent touch to his legs, his abdomen, his chest, exactly over his heart. He could only nod, confirming.

Castiel was silent then. He looked away, too, at the trees that shaded the distant shore.

"And I knew I was lost. Doomed to... love you forever, even though it was a new concept for me. James understood immediately. Though he hadn’t known such a powerful feeling before, but he recognized its ‘symptoms’ in me. He knew. And then he made the decision that would lead to the most radical change in our lives. It was decided by both of us that I would have his body... just for me... and that I should try. Try to get close to you. But he warned me that... you might not reciprocate my feelings. "

Dean turned slowly toward Castiel. He stared at him, his eyes fearful.

"Cas... how can I say this without... hurting you?"

The blue pupils hid under the eyelids framed by dark lashes.

"I... I'm not what you imagine. I'm not... what you suppose. The mention of the word ‘sun’ and ‘me’ in the same sentence... is a mistake. I don’t even deserve a simple glance from you, or from James. You don’t love me, Cas. James didn’t know what it was and he... he was certainly wrong... and he made you believe... "

"Dean..." interrupted the other.

"No, Castiel, now it's my turn to speak. When I leave tomorrow, I won’t return here. We'll never see each other again. You will find someone better than me... I can’t... not even think of you wasting your life by my side. You know so much, you are so... amazing... that I don’t even believe you've been associated with me for so long... "

"You don’t... reciprocate my feelings, so...” Cas took a deep breath. “Daphne warned me..." And he shivered, looking cold.

"Daphne... she's... maybe she's the one for you. She is a very affectionate woman, kind... " Dean started, just to be interrupted.

"Daphne is married to Emmanuel, the community doctor. The two are deeply in love with each other, they are very happy… It is impossible not to see it when they are together. That was the fact that led me to her when I needed advice to deal with... what I feel for you. She has helped me... "

Dean felt as if the ground has been taken away.

"You say... I don’t love you but what I actually hear is that you don’t believe you can be loved... why don’t you believe you deserve to be loved? Why?"

"Yes, Cas, that's it. Exactly! I don’t... deserve you, my life is far from being...” Dean closed his eyes “You are... like a child... "

"I'm not a child, Dean! I'm a man. And I know what I want. "

"No..."

"Yes." And saying that word he put his palm over Dean's heart, as he had done that first day.

"If you don’t want me... I only can accept it if you don’t love me back. Don’t let what we have   be destroyed because you don’t love yourself enough. I won’t allow it. If you want, go and never come back. I can’t stop you from leaving. But just walk away if you don’t feel for me the way I feel for you. This is the only way... I will accept the fact you are leaving for good. "

"What can I offer you, Cas, besides a life on an old freighter? The restricted talk of a guy who dropped out of school too soon? You have so many possibilities... You have a life ahead of you, to do what you want... "

"And I want to spend this life with you... I want to learn from you... that's all I want. You offer me your companionship... your patience, your enthusiasm, the sparkle in your eyes when you're content. You offer me your kind smile, your frank laughter... Your warmth. That's what I want. That's what I choose. But... only if you can offer me all this because you love me... " Cas' countenance was sincere, and his eyes were filled with such great and pure affection that Dean's reaction was involuntary when he whispered:

"I... love you so much, Cas..." and realizing what he had admitted he immediately stopped talking. If he hadn’t already been silent he would have done so because of the soft lips that covered his, in a sure but gentle movement. As if Dean was too precious, as if he would break under the weight of that gesture.

It was totally different from the kiss he'd had with James. Dean sensed that it was because Castiel had stood aside as a spectator of what had happened. Now... he was the one kissing. And Dean slowly let himself go wherever he always wanted and never felt worthy.

Castiel moved away a little, finally giving Dean a warm smile. He stood up in a nimble move.

Dean accepted the hand Cas offered him and let himself be led back to the little house surrounded by green.


	21. Chapter 21

Castiel led him back along the path and there was no urgency in his steps. One hand carried his clothes while the other clutched at Dean's with all his might. But Dean did’t seem to be being dragged. His grip was strong, as if he feared of losing Cas.

They went up the porch steps in silence. Cas opened the door and stepped forward without a word. Once Dean was inside the room, the door closed, his eyes met. They had nothing to say. But his hands were still united, and the heat of this contact made the silent moment something special. It was time to communicate using other tools.

Dean had given himself to the kiss, contradicting his decision to leave Cas forever. This battle, he thought, between reason and emotion, had been lost long ago.

Castiel's eyes were clear, his face curious. Dean thought he must be enjoying every second of the experience with intensity. He knew what was coming next, but he had never lived it himself.

Dean hesitated to touch him, afraid to undo the suspense. It was up to Castiel to take the initiative, but he didn’t seem to be in a hurry.

Their bodies had dried up during the brief walk, but they had in their hands the clothes they had discarded. Strangely, Dean didn’t feel uncomfortable dressed as he was anymore.

Castiel dropped what he held and Dean did the same, dropping the clothes on the floor of the room.

The dark-haired man knelt down in front of Dean and his free hand retraced the path of his first touch. He stroked his leg beneath his knee and in a steady, gentle touch, it climbed up the thigh, past the damp swimsuit, playing the cut sharp on Dean’s hip and leaned gently on his abdomen, close to his navel. Dean closed his eyes and focused on the soft caresses. Castiel stood up, moving his hand then to his chest where he could feel his partner's heartbeat, now racing. They stayed like this for some time, the only sound their ragged breaths.

Dean opened his eyes and found the most beautiful face he had ever seen. Expectation and affection mingled in that gaze.

"I want to touch you, Dean."

"I'm all yours, Cas."

Castiel then kissed him again, pulling him closer, the hand on his chest now wrapping around the back of Dean's neck. Dean, in turn, gently held Castiel's waist, bringing their bodies to full contact.

The kiss was growing in intensity and before he could tell Dean began to make rhythmic movements with his hips, which brushed against Castiel's.

When he realized what his body was doing, he tried to stop, but Castiel quickly replaced him in the movement. Their eyes met again, and Dean saw such desire and determination that he could only surrender.

The two small swimsuits were now having difficulty holding both erect cocks.

Castiel ended the kiss to pull Dean back by the hand, this time up the stairs. Coming into Cas' room, Dean returned to kiss him sensuously while stroking his buttocks covered only by the thin, damp cloth. One of Castiel's hands came down and brushed the waistband of Dean’s red trunks. His eyes asked for permission, as his mouth opened for his tongue to slide over his lower lip, tasting Dean's mouth.

Dean shook his head and felt Castiel's hand touch him under the garment. Breathless, he felt Castiel gain confidence, as he remembered how to do it. But it was his hands now, and he would, from time to time, look at Dean, to fix that image in his mind. It was just the two of them now.

Dean kissed him again as he put his hand inside Cas' swimsuit. The rigid member throbbed. Castiel sighed as he felt the most intimate touch.

Dean wanted to let Castiel take the lead, being that, contradictorily his first time, even though he knew what to do from experience inherited from Novak.

Castiel, in a determined move, released Dean's penis from his confinement, stripping him. He knelt again, and with both practiced and unsure gestures, he took the tip of his cock between his lips, turning his tongue over it, savoring the moment.

Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath. That was one the things he longed for. And everything was even more intense after the admission that Cas loved him.

His hands caressed Cas’ hair, still moist, softly. He loved him too and had admitted it. Where would that take them? Dean didn’t want to think about it now.

Castiel swallowed him deeper and devoted himself to the task with particular effort, his eyes never leaving Dean's face, which seemed totally indulged in sensations.

"Cas..." Dean murmured, pulling him up, to kiss his lips fiercely. Castiel let himself be enveloped by the strong arms as his masculinities brushed, impatient.

He walked backward until he sat on Cas' spacious bed. Dean pulled Cas into his lap without ever stopping kissing him. He wrapped both cocks together and stroked them until they were on the verge of orgasm.

When Dean broke the kiss, Castiel pressed his forehead to his shoulder, stammering words of encouragement. Dean brought his lips to Cas' ear and murmured, "I love you, Cas." He thought this statement would never be made, but in the face of Cas’ devotion, he did it easily, expressing without fear his deepest feeling.

Cas, hearing that, moaned louder and Dean's hand was covered in white. Dean continued to stimulate them together until Cas was fully satisfied and then he also climaxed, repeating "I love you, Cas, I love you, I love you so much..." until he couldn’t stay upright any longer, falling back, pulling Castiel with him, over him.

They stayed quiet for some time, Dean stroking the back of Cas' head in a loving gesture he had never felt necessary before. Castiel had been the only one to impact him so widely and strongly.

Cas finally got up and went to the bathroom. He came back with a damp towel and cleaned them. He lay down again and pulled Dean to hug him, resting his head on his chest, over the black tattoo. His contentment was apparent and there was a reflection of that feeling on the freckled face of the captain.

"That was... far better than any memory in James' mind," Cas finally said. Dean could only smile and kiss him again.

"It was... amazing, Cas," he whispered excitedly. He had never loved anyone like that.

Castiel noticed the delicate moment and snuggled even closer to him, murmuring declarations of love on his chest, his neck, his shoulders.

Before they fell asleep, Castiel rose suddenly.

"Come on, Dean. Now is the time for me to learn more about your passion for bathtubs. "

Dean laughed, hiding his face in the pillow, thinking nothing could be better than that.

*****

He had left the the bathtub filling when he came for the towel and it was almost full of hot water. The bathtoom was steamy.

They kissed again and again before Dean stepped into the water, reveling in its pleasant temperature. He held out his hand for Cas to come in too. He sat with his back to Dean, leaning against his chest, letting out a pleasurable sigh.

"Hmmm, now I understand... Relaxing!"

"If you keep moving like that, rubbing on me like that, things will not be relaxing much longer" he said, laughing.

"I see... maybe... later, I'm very relaxed."

Dean pressed his lips to Cas’ temple and kissed him affectionately. He didn’t want to ruin the moment, but he couldn’t stop thinking he would have to leave the next morning for colony 904.

"Cas... are you asleep?"

"Not yet. Almost. "And he snuggled closer against the solid body behind him.

"I... I have that trip scheduled for tomorrow..."

"For how long?" Asked Cas as calmly as ever.

"Two and a half months, I can’t cancel it..." He began explaining when Cas interrupted him.

"I'll be here, Dean. When you come back... home. "

Dean felt suddenly light, free. He knew he'd be back. To stay. Because Cas wanted to. Because _Dean_ wanted to. Home was no longer an abstract, distant concept beyond his possibilities. Home was... _Cas_.

"I love you, Cas. I'll come back, I swear. "

"I know. I'll be here waiting."


	22. Chapter 22

KDean woke up with Cas' movement in the bedroom, but he kept his eyes closed, trying to get back to sleep. After a few minutes the other man approached the bed and touched his shoulder:

"Dean..." but he was not going to get caught pretending so easily.

"Hmmm?" He murmured while he kept his eyes closed.

"Dean?" The dark-haired man called again. "Wake up. I thought we could go swimming before we started lunch... "

"Swimming? Today? " Dean grumbled.

"Yes... don’t you want to go?" And he bent down to kiss Dean on the lips.

Dean finally opened his eyes and saw Castiel standing at the side of the bed wearing only a tiny, black swimsuit. Raising his hand over Cas’ bare thigh in a caress, he said hoarsely:

"Hmmm, this is the one that makes you even hotter."

The hand stopped on the hip as Dean’s mouth came to touch Cas’ cock over the thin, elastic fabric. It immediately began to respond to the warmth of Dean's lips, which slipped down his length, back and forth. The hand that had been still for a moment finally circled his body and grabbed a buttock wrapped in black spandex. Castiel sighed because of the combination of those touches.

Dean, however, felt moisture on the back of Cas’ trunks and, surprised, looked up, finding his face expressionless.

"What is that, Cas? Has anyone... been playing with lube? "

"Maybe," was the answer, accompanied by a smile.

Dean pulled the swimsuit down in a swift motion and Cas' cock, fully erect, freed from his confinement jumped toward his slender abdomen.

"It seems... someone has been planning something... Is that true?" And he pulled Castiel over himself, then rolled him on his back, under him.

"Today is a holiday... I wanted it to be special... I could have prepared myself while you slept," Cas said, for the first time looking a little embarrassed.

"Having sex with you is always awesome," Dean said, but it was usually his own body that welcomed the partner's member. They both appreciated things that way, but Castiel sometimes liked to return the favor.

"So, that swimming ‘story’? Was it just so you could wear my favorite swimsuit? You know me too well, Cas" he said, kissing him passionately.

Castiel returned the kiss, lowering his hand between them to stimulate Dean, but found him ready the fact that Cas had worn that piece of clothing and prepared himself more than enough to excite him.

"How do you want me, Dean?" He asked in a mixture of whisper and moan, looking up at him with those amazing blue eyes.

"On top. I want to look at you. I want to see your face." And he rolled over again, lying on his back, panting.

Castiel immediately straddled his hips and kissed him again, mouth, neck, chest. His hands touched Dean's body, caressing it as if it was their first time. He took the small bottle of lube from under his pillow and spread the clear gel on his partner's throbbing member. Dean, in turn, held Cas by his hair, plunging his tongue in that mouth he loved to kiss.

Castiel positioned himself on Dean's cock and sank into it slowly. Dean was delighted by the sight of the man who was his friend, his companion, his love. Cas’ face was flushed, his hair beginning to stick to his sweaty forehead, his eyes closed. From that sensual mouth came the most indecent groans as he began to move, at first slowly, gradually increasing speed.

Dean couldn’t take his eyes off Castiel. He was beautiful. Perfect in every way. Dean was still surprised that he had chosen to live the rest of his days in his company.

No longer able to bear the distance, however small, between his lips and those of Castiel, Dean sat down, drawing their bodies close. His mouth merged with Cas' as his hand reached for the penis between their bodies and began to stroke it at the same rhythm as Cas' frenetic movements.

Their ragged breaths were mixed with whispers and moans.

Dean then put his hands under Cas’ buttocks, making him up a bit and held him so, so that he could invest himself, with intensity. His movements became erratic.

That was enough for Cas to come, spilling on Dean's chest with a hoarse groan. Dean sat up and kissed him and continued in his intense movement, pulling out a few more sighs from the man over him.

"Dean... I love you... _Dean_..." Cas knew that phrase was enough as to make him lose control. Every time.

Dean, trying to hold a scream, clearly exercising for the next few days where the next room would be occupied, climaxed, letting Castiel fall back into his hips, prompting a hoarse cry from the man on top.

"Cas... You really... know me... too well," he whispered into Cas’ ear, kissing the earlobe. "I love you so much..."

*****

Some time immersing in the tub afterwards (not as long as Dean liked) they were both in the kitchen preparing lunch for the guests who would arrive within a few hours.

"At what time did you say Sam's transportation would arrive?" Castiel asked for the umpteenth time. He was anxious and that made him repeat the question. Dean knew this and (for the umpteenth time too) wrapped his arms around Cas' waist and said in his ear, softly:

"It's going to be all right, okay?" He left a kiss under his ear, a chill running through the body of the man who was chopping tomatoes and then Dean finished in a normal volume: "At eleven-thirty. They’ll go to Bobby's house and then they all will come here. They will arrive around one. "

"We have time, then," he said, turning in the circle of the strong arms, his own raised above his head, one hand wielding a knife and the other dirty with the red juice of the vegetables. He left a tender kiss on Dean's lips, before pushing him with his elbows toward the table. "Start the pie dough. I have the apples peeled and chopped.”

"Yes, boss. Pie dough! "

Castiel loved to cook. He'd begun to learn from Dean, then Daphne, and personal research came along. He was an expert these days... in everything Dean liked.

Today, in a tribute to now distant days, they would eat lasagna. Castiel made a point of preparing the sauces himself, assembling it in a huge tray, knowing that it would be greatly appreciated. It was his specialty.

"I think you've chopped too many apples, Cas."

"Let's make two pies. One will serve our guests and the other... we'll save for... later. " He said with a wink and a smile.

"Did I tell you that I love you?"

"Yes, Dean, many times. Now get back to work. "

Scenes like this were commonplace in their lives now. After the first few days, when Dean still felt insecure about himself, things had gotten into a pleasant routine. Castiel worked in the farms, advising the farmers and built a reputation in the community as a competent professional and good person. He had made many friends in the village. Dean wasn’t surprised by this, living with him for almost three years now.

Dean, meanwhile, had kept his freighter and was still making trips delivering cargo and transporting passengers between nearby colonies. But after that first trip, when they were still learning  how to be together, he realized that anything longer than thirty Earth days was too much to stay away from home. His expeditions were now shorter and scattered, Dean preferring to aid Bobby in his chores at the depot. He was an excellent mechanic and was making a name for himself in this occupation, even attracting clients from the other hemisphere.

When the urge to relive his freighter captain days struck him very strongly, Cas and he boarded the Impala and traveled for a few days. Surprisingly, this desire was always stronger in Dean than in Cas, who had lived most of his existence in space. That said a lot about how he fell in love with human life... and Dean. Wherever Dean would go, Cas would accompany him.

But even as Dean traveled alone, he knew Cas was with him. His energy converted into matter comprised part of what had been his home for nearly two decades. One day he would retire from that life as a pilot, but he would never let go of the Impala, a palpable reminder of the love they shared.

*****

"Are they here yet?" Dean asked, infected by Cas’ anxiety. He was now in the living room, looking out the window at the road.

"No, they're late. I bet it's Bobby's fault, he must have wanted to show the whole deposit to him" he retorted irritably.

Castiel approached and took him by the hand. He made Dean sit on the couch next to him.

"Let's wait here. For a little while. " He held the freckled hand and, distracted, traced patterns uniting the little brown spots. There were more of them now that Dean was more exposed to the sun, the habit of going swimming in the lake a constant in their life. Dean only refused to wear the same type of bathing suit as Cas, and he had bought longer, loose shorts. On the other hand, his appreciation for Cas' body in one of those revealing pieces was such that the trunks occupied an entire drawer of his dresser.

Dean was silent, taking advantage of the gentle, calming touches and closed his eyes, remembering the day his brother had told him that he was also moving to Colony 859. He remembered the surprise and relief he had felt, and was very happy that his only relative, besides Cas, would live nearby. When he thought about it, his heart ached as he remembered that for so long he had assumed that Sam wanted to be independent, to stay away from him, and that Dean was pushing the situation, being a needy person. By the time he had taken up his relationship with Castiel and moved permanently away, he had imagined that Sam would finally be happy, able to live as and where he wished. And then he realized that their relationship had never been as he had imagined. They were attached to each other, yes, but Dean had been the first to show maturity to try life alone. And if his brother had come after him after two years, it only proved that they loved each other. The fact that they lived in separate hemispheres also made things easier.

Sam was coming to introduce his girlfriend to everyone. He'd started dating Sarah a few months ago, and the relationship seemed to have progressed to the stage of getting to know the family. Dean was proud of the man Sam had become. When he had met Cas a little over a year ago, he had accepted it without restraint and they soon have become friends. It was he who, curious, always asked about Castiel’s previous life, before meeting Novak and Dean, being the only one besides them to know the truth.

However, this part of Castiel's life was so distant from what he lived now that he sometimes seemed to have to make a great effort to remember. Maybe it was the complete happiness he lived now, with Dean, who had made him forget the millennia he had lived alone. Dean never asked him anything, glad to know only that he loved him and wanted to live the rest of his days in his company.

The sound of Bobby's antique transport announced their arrival. Dean opened his eyes to find a smiling Castiel staring at him. With an affectionate kiss, he said:

"Let's not keep them waiting." He stood up, pulling Dean by the hand.

They opened the door and were greeted by Sam’s smiling face, who stepped out the back door and offered a hand to the young brunette coming out of the vehicle.

Dean was surprised by her beauty and Cas, watching his reaction, nudged him, feigning jealousy.

They walked down the porch steps and Dean was hugged tightly by his brother. Soon after, Cas was the victim of those huge arms, while Dean shook hands with Sam's beautiful girlfriend.

The taller man looked flushed. He introduced Sarah to his brother and his companion. Jody had wrapped Cas' shoulders gently, while Bobby had gone to park the vehicle on the side of the house.

They waited for the older man to come back, commenting on the wonderful weather that day. Dean didn’t care about the weather. He was happy to have his brother around, even if it would be raining  cats and dogs. Cas and Sam... Jodie and Bobby. And now, Sarah. His family was here.

*****

Lunch followed as planned. Cas' food pleased everyone and was one more reason for Dean to be proud of him.

Sarah was a very smart and beautiful girl and Dean could understand why his brother was hopelessly in love. He seemed to drink her words and couldn’t take his eyes off her.

And he recognized in himself the same attitude toward Castiel. If Sam and Sarah had something similar to what they shared, he could say it would be a happy and lasting marriage. If Dean had had any doubts at the beginning of their own relationship, Cas' complete devotion had made him rethink his attitude. He was a lucky man. The luckiest of them all, he concluded. After all, who had as a companion a being like him? That he had given up all eternity to share his limited time ahead? That he had adjusted to an existence diametrically opposed to that which he had known for millennia, willingly and cheerfully? That made him know, every day, how happy he was to have made those choices and having Dean in his life?

Dean still felt small at times, but it was a passing thing. When he saw in the surprise Cas' eyes at a new rose bud in their garden or the warmth with which he received the reverent touches of Dean’s fingers, he knew. Cas was his. They were meant for each other.

*****

At dusk Jodie and Bobby said goodbye and went home, leaving the young couple who would remain there for a few more days. Dean had moved the single bed from the guest bedroom to the office, which they rarely used and bought a new one, double for Sam and Sarah, hoping this was an opportunity that could be repeated many times. And if he was honest, he could even imagine a nephew or niece sleeping on the bed in the other room. That's why he didn’t give it away, actually.

Shortly before dinner, Castiel invited Sarah on a walk with the intention of leaving the brothers alone. Dean was grateful and at the same time felt his absence sharply.

Now that they were just sitting on the porch of the house, the silence seemed a bit intimidating. Sam seemed lost in the sight of the beautiful sunset, whose charm was amplified by the nature around him.

"What did you do, Sam, to catch a girl like Sarah? She can’t have been naturally interested in you, not with that hair... "

"To tell you the truth, Sarah really appreciates my hair. She even asked me never to cut it short."

"There’s no accounting for taste…” Dean muttered. After a short pause he continued. "Is it serious?"

"Well, I guess so. Actually... I thought I'd ask her to marry me... while we're here, what do you think? "

"I think... it can be good. Do you have any plans? "

"No, I just thought... to get on my knee and ask. I bought a ring. "

"You know... You could take her to the lake. It's a very romantic place... It was there... "he started and stopped, suddenly aware of what he was going to say.

"It was there… what? Eww, Dean, don’t tell me that... "

"Not at all, you jerk. It was there that Cas... declared his feelings to me. "

"Hmm, I understand. Do you think Castiel would approve if I proposed in the same place? "

"I think he would like it very much." And he found himself smiling, thinking of that face he loved in a way he had never imagined possible.

"You're happy, aren’t you?" Sam asked, but it was more like a statement. He knew.

"I'm happier... than I ever imagined I could be. I won’t even try to explain it. But is like that. I hope Cas feels the same way. "

"Have you seen how he looks at you?" Sam laughed, teasing his brother. "I don’t know what he saw in you, but... he really loves you. I think... "he added, getting serious," he sees you. He really does see _you_ , Dean."

Dean felt tears welling up under his eyelids but he wasn’t willing to reenact the dialogue of a chick flick with his brother. He cleared his throat and then said, looking dreamily toward the lake.

"Yes… I guess he sees me."

*****

 Sarah and Sam retired around eleven o'clock. They were tired from the trip, and if Dean knew his brother, he must have been extremely anxious over the plan to ask Sarah to marry him.

Dean and Cas stayed in the kitchen a little longer, finishing the dishes and arranging things for the next day's breakfast. When Cas leaned against the sink with a cup of chamomile tea in his hands, a smile came to his lips as he looked at Dean, who was standing at the door.

In two steps, he invaded Castiel's personal space, and taking the mug from his hands, Dean kissed him. Cas wrapped his arms around the back of Dean’s neck, giving in to the caress.

"I missed kissing you," Dean said softly.

"I don’t think they would care. Not even Bobby. "

"I'll test your theory next time he's around. If he has a heart attack or something like that it will be your fault. "

"He likes seeing... how happy we are. He loves you like a father, you know. "

Dean lowered his eyes. This was a day full of emotions and he was beginning to have difficulty hiding his reaction.

Castiel noticed and lifted his face, holding it gently by the chin.

"Shall we go to bed?" He whispered.

Dean just shook his head, letting Cas guide him up the stairs.

As they passed the door of the young couple's bedroom, Dean couldn’t help wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, though no noise could be heard from inside. Making jokes was his way of getting around how emotional these occasions were, and Cas knew enough to understand it.

Cas smiled at him, shaking his head. He closed the bedroom door behind him, bringing Dean in for one more kiss.

 Dean's arms wrapped tightly around him, pulling him from the doorway toward the bed. Then Castiel seemed to remember something and he disengaged himself from Dean, putt his finger to his lips, opened the door and left.

Dean laughed softly, wary of his hasty exit. Castiel came back carrying the extra pie and two forks, with a conspiratorial attitude and a huge smile. He put it on the dresser and began to undress, until he was only wearing black boxers. Dean took the opportunity to do the same, sitting down, cross-legged in the middle of the bed, arms stretched out toward his partner.

"Pie... please... Cas..." he groaned, as if he were a man dying of thirst in the desert.

Castiel had learned to appreciate this cheerful and playful Dean. He looked like a boy. He sat down in front of him, mirroring the position, and handed him the pie and one of the forks. Dean stuck out the dough trellis that covered the soft, spicy stuffing, and ripping off a generous piece offered it to Castiel.

Cas closed his eyes and moaned, taking advantage of all the flavors of the pie they had made together. Before he could even offer Dean a piece, he approached and kissed Cas’ lips, deepening his tongue in his mouth, chasing the remaining flavors of cinnamon, apple and sugar.

As he moved away, he met Castiel's gaze. It was these moments that made their lives together so special. The simplicity of something  so small and at the same time so full of meaning never cease to amaze Dean. He wanted to say something deep, to mark that day forever in their minds, but the words seemed to escape him, as always. He began, then, whispering the name he was so pleased to utter, knowing at last what he meant:

"Cas..."

"Hmmm... Yes, Dean," Cas replied, licking his lips.

“Do you remember that day... when you asked me to read out loud for you?"

"Yes, I was very tired and you read one of my favorite poems."

"Is it one of your favorites? I didn’t know."

"It was not then. Now, however, it is. I always read it. I remember that day fondly. " Dean received this statement with an embarrassed smile.

"Ah... I remember thinking I didn’t understand its meaning. I thought I'd never understand it. But... I think I finally know what it means. "

"What does it mean to you?"

"Um... I think he speaks of... of what allows us to move on. Of what makes us live day after day. I think it is about... you. "

"Me?" The dark-haired man asked.

"Yes, Cas... you. The hope that never _'asked a crumb from me'_. Hope never _'landed in my soul'_... before you arrived. You, Cas, are the _'feathered thing'_ that landed on my soul and sung, allowing me to live. "

Castiel had nothing to say. He felt deeply touched by what Dean said.

"You gave me hope, Cas, when I had none. Thank you. For making me complete. For making me happy. I hope I can do the same for you... "and he lowered his eyes, feeling too emotional once again.

"Me? Why do you think... Dean, you're forgetting what’s most important! "

Dean was staring at him, a little confused.

"Your light. Your bright light! Your light is my feathered hope, Dean. It was, from the first moment what moved me when I was... exhausted, stagnant. The brightness of your light made me want to go on living. " His eyes were wet, too.

Dean swallowed the tears that threatened to break free at any moment. He took the fork out of Cas' hand, stuck it against his in the pie, and set the tray on the bedside table. Wrapping his lover's waist with his arms, he pulled him over himself. Their mouths met as Dean leaned back, lying down and bringing Cas with him, their legs intertwining.

The words that emphasized the feeling that united them were now silenced, but the deep mark that had left in both souls would remain uniting them, while hope existed.

To them, they knew, that meant forever.


End file.
